Tears slid down her cheek as she wrote, one plopping onto the page. She brushed it aside, smearing the tear stain with ink. She continued writing her letter, as if perhaps by writing, shemight remove these feelings from within her and seal them away on the paper.
The most horrible thing has happened. My sister nearly died. I’m so afraid. What if this happens again? What if I can’t save her, or any of them? I am not fit to be their baji, or to even be in this family.
What am I doing here? What am I doing at all?
How do I rid myself of all the bad parts? I suppose that’s a trick question, for if I removed all the bad, surely there would be nothing left.
I wish there was a way to quietly slip away from time, to no longer be known, to no longer exist or have ever existed at all. To simply be replaced by someone better, someone good.
Bisma
13
Afew days passed and Bisma continued to puzzle over Luna and Mei’s poisonings. The two cases had been so different and yet the same person must have been behind both. In the meantime, Luna recovered. Her strength returned, and though her brown skin regained its warm color, there was a strange sort of emptiness in Luna’s dark brown eyes that scared Bisma. Luna was on edge, afraid.
The girls helped in any way they could, and the Forest, of course, helped as well, but Bisma remained troubled. Mei had bounced back completely after being healed, whereas Luna seemed to be struggling with something. She was quiet, startlingly so.
Anytime she asked her what was bothering her, Luna would give Bisma a brave smile and say it was nothing, but Bisma knew better. She supposed coming back from the brink of death wasn’t something one could easily recover from, and, as such, Bisma greatly admired Luna’s willpower.
Sometimes Bisma was filled with such a force of love for her sisters that she couldn’t believe how lucky she was to even know them, let alone be their sister. It felt like a gift to exist at the same time, at the same place as them, and an even greater gift to not only be allowed in their lives but to be counted as one of their closest relations.
For a week, Azalea kept her complaining to a minimum; Mei cooked the most delicious, comforting food; Nori did not cause a mess; and Deeba obliged everyone with extra kisses and cuddles.
Because it was getting colder and carrots were especially sweet this time of year, Bisma made them all a huge pot of gajar ka halwa, a sweet dish soaked in ghee that they all enjoyed as a special treat every late autumn, and she did not harass them about their chores. They all needed a bit of a break, anyway, so even lessons were suspended, much to Nori’s relief. Things were calm—perhaps a bittoocalm.
Bisma felt it, the lack of the usual chaos, but she thought that was what Luna needed: a bit of peace.
Until one evening, when they were all gathered round drinking tea and eating the last of a spiced vanilla cake. Nori finished her slice and, when Mei wasn’t looking, swiped half of Mei’s slice, too. By the time Mei turned, Nori had already shoved it in her mouth.
Ordinarily, this would be when Mei would complain, Bisma would then scold Nori, and they would all get involved with mediating a suitable punishment. But because they were all doing their best not to cause a ruckus, Mei quietly pinched Nori under the table, to which Nori then quietly kicked Mei under the table in retaliation.
So ensued a silent battle that they were all trying very hard to pretend wasn’t happening.
‘Enough!’ Luna cried, pushing her chair back and standing up. ‘I hate how well-behaved everyone is being! Act normal, for god’s sake! Nori, that was somean.’
‘I only took a bite!’ Nori exclaimed.
‘YOU ATE HALF OF IT!’ Mei cried.
‘You’re such a liar!’ Azalea said.
‘Azalea!’ Bisma scolded.
‘I mean, Azalea’s right,’ Luna agreed.
The spiced vanilla cake was very personal to them.
‘Thank you, Luna. By the way, you need to wash your hair, you look terrible,’ Azalea said. ‘I’ve been meaning to say that fordays.’
Bisma gave Azalea an incredulous look as Luna’s mouth fell open in shock. But then Luna started laughing, sitting back down.
‘I know,’ Luna said, touching her greasy hair. Then she touched her cheeks. ‘I need a face mask, as well.’
‘I wasn’t going to say it, but yes,’ Azalea said, taking a sip of her tea.
‘Well then, let’s do it,’ Luna said. ‘Where’s the haldi? Baji, do we have yogurt?’
‘Ooh, face masks!’ Nori said, clapping. ‘Me want!’
