‘What’s happening?’ Nori asked, petrified.
‘Maybe try this?’ Luna said, bringing the cure-all from the Apothecary forward from the kitchen. ‘Baji?’
They all turned to Bisma.
Bisma opened her mouth to respond, but nothing came out. She didn’t know what was happening, and anxiety iced through her. Her sight began swimming; she felt faint.
Bisma swayed, then jolted upright. She heard a sniffle and saw that Nori and Deeba had both noticed. They looked at her with concern, afraid. They were all so small.
What was she doing?Bisma couldn’t let them see her unraveling. Her heart pounded against her chest, drawing pain with every beat.
‘I need a moment,’ she said, her voice high. Her gaze jumped to Luna, who looked frightened as well.
‘Go,’ Luna said. Bisma hesitated; she didn’t want to leave them for even a second, but she needed to compose herself.
She felt a hand on her back; it was Azalea, pushing her. Without thinking further, Bisma ran up the stairs, going all the way up to her room.
Now that she was alone, the anxiety overcame her completely. Her vision blurred with tears as she gasped for breath, everything inside her tightening and twisting.
She was so scared. She missed her baji, all the bajis that had come before her. She didn’t want this responsibility. How could she take care of the others? She hardly knew how to take care of herself!
What was she doing? What was she doing?
Her thoughts spiraled, and she felt like a fish caught in a net, pulled out of the water and flopping this way and that as it struggled to breathe.
Then she spotted something on her bed.
It was a neatly folded piece of paper. It had no seal but was covered with streaks of dirt, as if it had come from the earth. The Forest must have delivered it to her.
Curiosity needled through her anxiety, and she clung to it, hoping to clear her head. She walked to her bed and took hold of the letter, unfolding it.
She began to read.
I received your letter, which I was very surprised to be the recipient of. Please do not be alarmed by my response, for I feel you did not expect your letter to be received. I must confess I know who you are, though I will not divulge who I am, except to say that I am a long-time admirer and wish only to be your sincere friend. It seems you are in need of a friend, and, as it so happens, so am I.
I understand loneliness. Being surrounded by loved ones, yet still feeling completely and utterly alone.
Perhaps we can be lonely together.
As for what you should do … what else can you do but your best?
And if you feel your best is not good enough, then try again … and then try harder. That is all you can do.
What you must not do is give up. Or give in. Then you have truly lost, and you do not seem like a girl who likes to lose.
Hoping to be your friend.
Bisma exhaled deeply. The letter was short—it took only a minute to read—yet focusing on the words had helped her calm down. Her heart felt a little steadier.
She wondered who had written the letter. For a moment, she thought of Xander, but he would never waste his time writing her a letter. His aim was to play with her, while this letter was genuine. Kind.
Who was this mysterious writer? They had not even signed their name. The Forest must have delivered the letter she had written, but to whom?
It did not matter. She trusted the Forest, and for good reason. Reading this response had quelled the panic that had been rising in her like a tide, threatening to drown her.
Bisma wiped her cheeks, brushing away her tears. She took a deep breath, then exhaled. She listened to the sound of the rain falling outside, taking in the sweet scent of petrichor that was thick in the air.
She grabbed a cup and stuck it out of the open window until it filled, wetting her hand in the process. Bisma gulped down the cold rainwater. Finally, the noise in her brain calmed, and she could think.
