Bisma flicked through the keepsake box, finding every letter she had ever sent him until she found the very first one. The paper was worn as if it had been folded and unfolded many times. It was streaked with dirt and had little teeth marks on it.
So the Enchanted Forest had sent her letter to him.
A week ago, she might have wondered why, but now, lips still bruised from kissing him, she knew why. There was no more denying it.
She loved him. It was that simple.
Bisma had thought what she had with Gregory was love, that that was all love had the capacity to be, so of course she had scorned it all these years and kept away from it even as she longed for it.
But that wasn’t real—this, what she felt for Xander, what he felt for her, was true love. Him brushing her hair, the soft touch of his gentle hands; him, constantly forgiving her, even as she was cruel to him. Him knowing when to push, when to be silent. Letting her down only to pick her up again.
She had found him overbearing, too much, but now she saw that for him to fill her life with such brilliance was not a burden, but a gift, the very best gift she could ever hope to receive.
He was a flirt and overly cheery and liked her too much, but those were all good things—the very best things!—for it finally gave her the courage to like him, to adore him, to love him, to release the floodgates of all the love that was bubbling within her, the love that had previously been reserved only for her sisters, for the Enchanted Forest.
She had never thought such affection would be given to a man again, that she would ever feel this type of love, but now thatXander was still and motionless—and that love taken from her—she knew she wanted it back, that she would do anything to bring it back, just as she would do anything for her sisters, for the Forest.
They were all as much part of her as her magic, as her heart, as her soul. Xander was part of her now, and he was frozen, his life in danger. Bisma could not believe she had not realized what she felt for him sooner—she should have recognized it, appreciated it, basked in it.
What if he did not wake, and their love was lost forever?
She’d thought herself so clever. She’d thought she was being so careful, so cautious, that she was protecting herself, but really, she had been a fool all over again not to recognize the very best thing she had. She had conflated it with the worst thing to happen to her.
Tears filled her eyes. She had been punishing herself for having such a big heart, for thinking Gregory was better than he was, but that was not a character flaw inher; she saw that now.
The true character flaw was to be too bitter to see a good man even when he was right in front of her.
She would rather be too kind, too open, too accepting and be proved the fool—as she had been with Gregory—than be too closed off, too mean, too angry and be proved the fool—as she had been with Xander.
To open your heart to love was not foolish; it was brave. And she wanted to be brave. Wasn’t that what she had been telling Luna all this time? To trust in others, in good people? To try, then try again?
Bisma took a deep breath, wiping her cheeks. With trembling hands, she put the letters back in the keepsake box, closed it, then turned to Xander’s notebook.
She had a long night ahead of her, and she would not fail.
She would not rob herself of the chance to do better.
Determined, Bisma read through Xander’s notes, her heart twisting painfully at the familiar script. She focused on the trials; they had gotten very close these past few days.
Even the trial with Nori, which seemed forever ago now, had been close to being successful. They had adjusted that potion with a dozen different ingredients, but it had not yielded results.
But what if they had been focusing on the wrong thing?
What if it was simple?
Mind whirring, Bisma recalled how the potion had seemed to work on Nori until she threw it up.
What if all they needed to add to the potion was something to help keep it down long enough for it to expel the poison?
Bisma got to work, growing different plants. After that, she grew the potion, mixing it precisely as Xander’s notes instructed, then added in the new ingredients—but the problem was how to test it? They could not test it on the magical evergreen trees, like they had been doing.
She needed to test it on someone.
Well, there was only one thing for it.
Taking a deep breath, Bisma drank the potion. It felt cool going down her throat, like an iced drink after a long, hot day, and for a moment, she felt energized—good. Until it soured in her stomach as if someone had reached in and squeezed.
Before she could help it, then she retched into a bin.
