“It was a secret that Melvin took to his grave. And I thought I would be taking it to mine too. But I guess some secrets needed to come out. Even if Riley hates me, I don’t want you to hate me, Nadia.”
“I don’t. I don’t have the right to hate you.”
She smiled before her gaze focused on the view in front of us, her hands still holding mine. “Melvin and I grew up together. We thought we would end up as mates. We’d been a couple since I was fifteen and he was seventeen. He was already an Alpha when I turned eighteen, and we were both devastated when we realized we were not fated mates.” She let out a sigh before continuing. “I loved him. I did. But I knew we couldn’t be together when there were people meant for us. So I tried to break it up with him at the same time we found out. He was inconsolable. He was furious. And in his anger, he marked me.”
I bit my lower lip. I wanted to say something, but I kept my mouth shut.
“I could have run to my parents and told them what he did. The council would deal with him. He could be stripped of his title or receive more severe punishment, but I didn’t. I loved him, and I didn’t want him to be punished. In short, I tolerated his actions. So we agreed to pretend we were fated mates. No one questioned it, and no one dared ask me to show them our marks. I believed my mother doubted it, but she didn’t say a word. So we kept on with our lies. I hid the mark with turtleneck clothes and high collars, and Melvin kept his hair long.”
She paused, her gaze still in front of us. I kept my silence until she was ready to continue.
“We were happy until I wasn’t anymore. For two years, I lived with the guilt of our lies. But nothing was more painful than when Melvin told me he met his fated mate and rejected her on the spot. And it was only then that I realized that Melvin must be expecting the same thing from me—to reject my fated mate. Then I got pregnant. I thought I would be happy, but it got worse. The pregnancy, the guilt, the lies—it was all too much for me. I was one month away from giving birth to Riley when I met my mate. I swear to the Goddess, I tried to stay away. I did, but it almost brought me to insanity.”
Goosebumps rose on my skin as I listened while her hold on my hands tightened. “When Riley was four months old, I told Melvin about my fated mate. He got angry and wanted me to reject him. But I couldn’t. The pull was too much, and even if I was marked, I couldn’t fight it. It was the start of constant fights. It went on for many months. Until one day, he finally said he was letting me go. I could never thank him enough. I told him he could say whatever he wanted about the reason we were separating. I didn’t care anymore. I just wanted out. We rejected each other, and I was ready to go when he told me I couldn’t take Riley with me. I objected. What kind of a mother would I be if I left my seven-month-old son? I told him I would take care of Riley, but he would get to see him as often as he wanted to.”
Her eyes began to water as she kept talking. “He said Riley was meant to be an Alpha. I knew that. And I would not stand in the way. I told him once Riley turned seven, I would return full guardianship to him, but I wanted Riley’s formative years to be with me. And he agreed. I was so happy, Nadia. All the time I was negotiating with him, I was terrified he would lose his shit and force me to stay so Riley would stay with him. And I knew if that happened, I would stay. But he agreed…” She paused from talking, and then her tears started coming.
I squeezed her hand to let her know that I was here for her if she needed me. She wiped her tears and smiled weakly, her gaze dropping on our entwined hands.
“Then he asked if he could kiss Riley. I gave him my son... It was the only thing I regretted in my life—the moment I handed Riley to him.” Her shoulders started to shake, but she didn’t stop talking, despite her sobs. “As soon as he took Riley, he rolled off his Alpha command, informing me that I could no longer approach my son. I tried to fight it off. My body was shaking, my nose was bleeding, and my head wanted to explode, but I was fighting it off. I wanted to grab Riley back... But he was so evil. When he saw I wasn’t giving up, he rolled off another command. Riley would feel the pain whenever I would approach him.”
My own tears fell as I felt the agony within her.
“My heart died when my baby shrieked in pain when I was trying to grab him. I was never scared of what he would do to me, but the moment Riley cried, I lost my will to fight for him. I fled the packhouse with only one bag because I was not able to pick up all my other belongings, as Riley kept screaming in pain. I didn’t even have anything from my son. I didn’t even get to kiss him. For months, I tried to run after Melvin. But he refused to see me. Rumors have already circulated that I abandoned him and Riley for another man. Even my own family refused to acknowledge me. And if I come out clean about Melvin and me not being fated mates, what good would it do? Melvin and I would be punished, and Riley would lose both of us. So I took all the blame and left. I came back when Riley was five and waited to see if they would visit the neutral city. I saw him once, and I tried to approach him, but he suddenly dropped to the ground and started crying. I still couldn’t get to him.”
She looked at me, and despite the tears in our eyes, I could see the pain in hers. “So if you ask me if I’m happy, I am. I have two lovely daughters. I have a lovely mate. But I couldn’t be fully happy because I know my son hates me. That’s why even if I want to take my mistakes to the grave, I wanted to tell you so maybe I could get at least one important person in Riley’s life to stop hating me.”
“I’m sorry...” It was all I could muster.
“I’m proud of him. I’ve heard of how good he is as an Alpha. I knew he was destined for great things from the moment he was born. And I’m glad that even if I was not present in his life, he was doing so well.”
How do I tell her that her leaving has left a deep scar in Riley’s heart? That Riley has a hard time fighting his demons because he thought he was not good enough for even his own mother?
I bit my lower lip as I wiped my tears. Everything she told me broke my heart, not just for her but for Riley. All his life, he just wanted his mother’s love. And it was there all along, but he just couldn’t get it.
“I miss him, and I often wonder if I would be able to hug him and kiss him before I die.”
END OF FLASHBACK
Chapter 63
NADIA.
FLASHBACK. Two days after I met Zahra.
Zahra invited me toher home. She was alone, as her twin daughters were in school and her mate, Leandro, was at work, so it was just us.
We stood by the door of the storage room in the basement of their house. She wanted to show me everything she kept for Riley, and my eyes couldn’t believe what I was seeing.
There were tons of gift-wrapped boxes for almost all occasions. The gifts were neatly placed on shelves, except for those that were too big and were standing on the floor.
I ran my fingers over them, skimming the wrappers as my eyes read the short notes that she had written in there.
“I tried sending them many times, but they all came back untouched. I even sent it to my parents so they could give it to him. I begged them to present it as their gift to him, but it was also returned. There were times I would be brave enough and leave the gifts on the border, but it was still the same.” She paused for a while before speaking again. “I wish Melvin hadn’t returned those, so I would think Riley got them, but I think he wanted me to be miserable. Each and every one of these reminded me that I no longer existed in my son’s life. Each gift served as a painful reminder, yet I chose to keep them.”
“Riley would be devastated if he found out all about this.”
“It’s useless now. But I still couldn’t find it in my heart to throw them away.”
