Mum air-kisses him, which obviously means that it would be very odd if Dominic and I didn’t greet each other properly, so I step towards him and then he steps towards me and we also air-kiss, leaving at least six inches of air between our cheeks on either side.
‘We’ll drop you off at your house now,’ my mum says chattily as we all get into the car – Dominic in the front because, as my mum says, he is indeed a lot taller than I am, so needs more space – and do up our seatbelts. ‘And then we’ll look forward to seeing you and Laura and Tom tomorrow evening for dinner so that the two of you can tell us all about the trip.’
‘That all sounds great,’ says Dominic, his fake-heartiness levels stepping up to meet mine.
‘Wonderful.’ Mum begins to reverse out of her space and narrowly misses a very fancy-looking Porsche behind us.
By the time we drop Dominic at his parents’, he’s looking a little white-knuckled from Mum’s driving. (She gets pulled over fairly regularly by passing police officers for ‘reckless driving’ but, quite unbelievably, has never actually got a single point on her licence. She’s very good at talking her way out of things.)
And I have had a blinding realisation: I cannot get back together with Jed.
I wouldn’t have contemplated it for a second if I hadn’t been so upset about Dominic.Jedis the one who would be my rebound relationship. Dominic wouldn’t have been a rebound from Jed, because I was and am entirely over Jed.Dominicis the one it’s going to take a long time to get over.
Having an occasionally loudly ticking biological clock is not a good enough reason to remarry someone. Well, not for me, anyway. Not when that person is someone I don’t really respect as a human being. I would be getting back together with him purely to try for a baby. It would be out of fear that he’s my only option. And he isnotmy only option. Okay, he might be my only option for a husband; it’s entirely possible that I will never again meet anyone who would like to marry me, even if I would like to marrythem. That does not mean that I should be with him, though. He doesn’t actually make me happy, and I can’t imagine him being the kind of father my dad was, or any of the other good dads I have known.
I also don’t actually particularly enjoy his company. Dominic – to name but one example of a man who will never want to marry me – issomuch more fun to be around, and he’s so muchnicer. And my mum is an example of a great mother who, together with my dad, set an amazing example of how a marriage should be. Give and take on both sides. Mutual respect on both sides.Likingand selfless love on both sides.
As Dominic gives us a wave from his front door, I nod to myself.
As soon as I’m alone I’m going to call Jed and tell him my decision. Much as I’d like to do it by text, I do not want to stoop to his level. (He told me our marriage was over by text.) And when I’ve done it I’m going to breathe a huge sigh of relief.
And then I’m going toembracebeing single.
* * *
I excuse myself to my mum saying I just need to pop to the loo, and then I make my call from my bedroom.
Jed picks up on the first ring. ‘Hi, gorgeous. Can’t stop yourself from calling me? Shall I come over tonight?’
I’m already annoyed. Not least because Idefinitelytold him yesterday that I was coming home for the weekend and he’s already forgotten.
‘Hi,’ I reply. ‘I’m actually at my mum’s for the weekend.’ I pause so that he can ask how she is, like a lot of people would.
And he says, ‘And?’ Really not very polite. Well, whatever.
‘So, basically.’ I’m keen to get this conversation done. ‘I called to say thank you so much for suggesting that we get back together—’ I sound like I’m talking about an unwanted dinner invitation or something, not getting remarried, but I’m not quite sure how else to put it ‘—but unfortunately I don’t think it will work. I mean, I think we should not get back together.’
‘Sorry, what? That’s ridiculous,’ he tells me.
‘Erm, no, it isn’t?’
‘Give me three good reasons.’ He’s talking to me like I’m a naughty child.
‘Do you really want me to?’ There is, after all, no palatable reason one can give for not wanting to be with someone else.
‘I’d like you to try. I don’t think you can.’ He has a strange way of trying to be nice enough to persuade me that I want to go back to him. Maybe he genuinely doesn’t even think heneedsto put any effort in, because Iwillgive in soon.
‘Okay, then,’ I say. ‘One: I don’t think we love each other enough. Two: I want to live in London. Three: You want to live in Australia. Off the top of my head.’
‘We do love each other. You’re being ridiculous,’ says Jed extremely lovingly. Not.
I can’t help taking a moment to reflect that while Dominicreallyupset me with what he said at the airport and on the plane, he wasn’trude. He blatantly tried to put his unpalatable thoughts as nicely as possible. Jed, by contrast, is actually managing to be rudewhile telling me that we love each other. Quite impressive, really.
‘I’m really sorry, Jed, but the answer is no.’
‘But you want a baby and who else are you going to find in time? You’re nearly thirty-five.’
I stick my middle finger up at the phone and say, ‘I hope you enjoy the rest of your trip. Look after yourself. Lots of love to your mum and sisters.’
