FLAVIA
Well. My mind is flipping.
I was just messaging my mum and Jenna, definitely in danger of going full ‘Dominic says’ and ‘Dominic did’, and therefore trying really hard to barely mention him, but also not too little because that would be weird, and then I found myself smiling just at thethoughtof hisname. And then at the thought of lots of other Dominic-related stuff.
And then, literallywhileI was thinking – dreamily – about him, I got a message from Jed:
Happy New Year Flavia.
Could we talk? Soon?
I’m so sorry for everything that happened in the summer. I think I made a terrible mistake. I realise that I would like to have children. With you. You’d be an amazing mother.
I’m so sorry for putting you through hell.
Happy New Year!
And see you very soon I hope.
I can come to England whenever you like. Or… you could get on a plane and come back???
Love you.
Jed
I feel terrible.Terrible. Or, actually, maybe not terrible. Incredibly weird, though.
Dominic is the first person that I’ve slept with – kissed even – since Jed and I separated. I haven’t been on a single date since we split. I wasn’t ready.
I still, of course, haven’t been on a date. Ihave, though, very much had sex with Dominic.
And – horrifyingly – it was basically the best sex I’ve ever had. As in, better than the sex I used to have with myhusband. The only other time in my memory that matches up to it was the night Dominic and I spent together when we were young.
I feel very, very bad that while Jed was texting me basically saying – unless I’m mistaken – that he’d like to get back together, I was thinking abouthaving sex in the shower with Dominic.
Actually. I do know that Jed has been on dates since our split. I asked my Sydney girlfriends about it and with great reluctance they told me what they knew. I was adamant I wanted an update (an outline, not actual specific details of his dating life) because I didn’t want to find out from him or his family that he was getting remarried or had got someone pregnant without some foreknowledge. And knowing the way he was before me, I’m pretty sure he will have slept with them.
I have done absolutelynothingwrong. Obviously. It’s nearly five months since Jed and I separated.
It still feels odd, though.
And, also, what do I want to do about Jed?
In a way, the fact that Ihavenow slept with someone would mean that we could get back together on a more level pegging. Otherwise it could maybe have felt – even though it wouldn’t be true, because he does of course have the right to do whatever he wants now we’re both single – a little odd that he’s dated other people since our split and I haven’t. So, really, from a Jed perspective, it’s good that I’ve slept with Dominic.
Okay. I need to stop. I’m doing too much thinking again.
Dominic is standing in front of me with a slightly odd expression on his face, and that’s probably becauseI’vebeen looking odd.
We’ve had an amazing trip together. We have one more night. Out of courtesy to Mum – who has been so excited to hear about Table Mountain and the safari, and will be really looking forward to hearing about tonight’s beach party – I need to push Jed out of my mind and just enjoy tonight. And, surely, if anything elsedoeshappen between Dominic and me, for just tonight, it really won’t make any difference. Having sex three times, for example, is conceptually no different from having sex twice.
‘Should we go?’ I suggest.
‘Yeah.’
Dominic’s wearing a pale blue, long-sleeved linen shirt and chinos. He looks gorgeous. I like every single iteration of him in all his different outfits. The thought crosses my mind that I’d love to see every iteration of him for the rest of time. I squash it, fast. I barely know him, really. This thing that’s going on between us… it’s clearly purely physical. So, yes, I’d beinterestedto see him every day forever. Andenjoyseeing him. But really that’s just like appreciating the amazing scenery and animals we saw on the safari.
‘You look lovely,’ Dominic tells me, looking at the sparkly gold dress I brought for this evening, before holding his arm out for me to take.
