We got back an hour late last night. Wolvrin had to peel me from Cayden’s arms and carry me out himself, meaning Cayden now knew him as well, though he didn’t seem surprised. Part of me was worried about that, but the bigger part knows Cayden wouldn’t do anything with that information, at least for now.
I haven’t left the bed at all today. It’s a Sunday so there is no training, no reason for me to leave. I slept in Lauren’s bed again last night, the scent of The Academy soap still lingers to the sheets.
For a moment, I could almost hear her laugh in my mind telling me I am supposed to be the tough one, yet here I am, unable to move.
Bella came in at some point this morning, her clothes in her arms. I knew what that meant, but she didn’t say anything, and I didn’t either. Bella just laid her clothes in a pile next to Lauren’s things and sat down on the bed, grabbing my hand and not saying a word.
She didn’t need to.
There is nothing she could say to make this feel any less heavy. And right now I feel like every carefully crafted wall I’ve ever put up is crumbling down. Like the dam finally broke and everything I’ve ever held back is now breaking through, coming back to haunt me.
“She wouldn’t be mad at you,” Bella whispers.
I know that, gods do I know that. Lauren didn’t have the ability to be mad at anyone. Only she was mad at me. I had insulted her, my best friend, and the very next day I walked away, leaving her to her death. Lauren deserved so much better, she was never made to be in this place. She was too kind, too caring. She could kill, absolutely, but she never did. Not even when it was life or death.
Lauren never hurt anyone who wasn’t trying to hurt her. It was one of the main reasons our missions always took so long; I had to do all the violent parts. I could keep her safe that way, I knew I could protect her.
“She’s gone.” My voice breaks.
“She’s free,” Bella corrects me. “She survived this place, she kept her head down and survived, and now she’s free. Lauren will be much happier wherever she is now. Did she deserve a long and happy life? Absolutely. But that isn’t on the cards for any of us. She was never going to grow old and have grey hair. None of us are, Darlia. Lauren is at peace now. She can finally rest. Now it’s your job to make sure you’re not the next one of us to go.”
Bella’s right. In some sick and twisted way, Lauren being dead is more of a mercy than having to be here any longer. But something inside me ignites at the idea of everyone else having the same fate. I won’t let that happen. I won’t let anyone else die because of this place.
“Come on, let’s get you in the shower then we can go have lunch. I won’t let you wallow because that will get you killed. So up, let’s go.” Bella doesn’t give me a minute to stand before she pulls me off the bed by my arm, and I hit the concrete on my shoulder.
“Ow, you bitch!” I groan, standing up and quickly stretching out the muscles.
Without an apology, Bella takes me down to the bathing sector, throwing a towel at me and forcing me into a shower stall, closing the curtain behind me. I mumble in protest, but know it’s no use. Stripping out of my training uniform and turning on the water before stepping under the spray, it warms instantly since I can’t bring myself to do my usual routine.
The water is warm and comforting, and to my dismay, it does make me feel a little better. Not that I would admit that to Bella. I know better than to admit that aloud for Bella to hear. I know she’s trying to be a good friend, but I just want a single day to be in bed. I have never had a day that I could just sleep all day.
I’ve never wanted one before, but now I want all of them. Everything feels so heavy.
“How are you going in there?” Bella calls out, making me realise she hadn’t left me alone. There goes my ability to skip washing my hair.
“I’m still here.” I lather the shampoo in my hands and run it through my hair, letting the soap wash away the stress hidden in the strands. My entire body is tense. I’m on edge, I feel like I could snap at any minute, and the only thing holding me together is Bella.
“Do you wanna go shoot some shit?”
That does manage to break a smile from me.
?
“PX-3, PX-57, you are requested for a mission briefing.” Commander Wolvrin walks over to the table we are sitting at, a hint of sympathy in his eyes. I stand, not saying a single word as I walk to Madam’s office, Bella following behind me. The office is filled only by Madam and the Overseer who is leaning against her desk. He motions for us to sit down, so we do.
“Under the advice of the Commander, we waited for your mission briefing until today.”
It had completely slipped my mind that we had no briefing. The second we entered the underground, my body went into autopilot, taking me to the assigned bunk room as I put myself into bed.
“You said the target would speak to you. What have you managed to get?”
“He has a storage unit on the west end, number 105.”
The Overseer raises a brow as if impressed, but it quickly fades as he looks down at me. “What’s in the storage unit?”
I shake my head. I don’t know, and that’s what upsets me the most. Cayden trusts me to give this to a group of people effectively commanding his death, but didn’t tell me what was inside.
“I don’t know, sir, he didn’t tell me.”
