But staring at it now, seeing all the houses, the buildings that look older than me, the darkness that goes beyond the Zone into the others. It’s almost haunting to see how dark it is on the other side, only lit by the moonlight and the stars above.
Cayden drops his cigarette, crushing it with his shoe as he takes my hand. “Dance with me, Darcie?”
I don't manage to respond as he leads me out to the road illuminated by the street lamps, the corner of his mouth tilting into a smile as he spins me around.
“You are beautiful,” Cayden whispers as he moves his hands to my waist. I freeze again. No one has ever touched me so freely before.
I don’t get the luxury of kindness at The Academy, and the mere touch of his hand on my waist has my fight-or-flight activated.
What if the Major can see? The Madam? The Overseer? What if this is a test? Maybe that’s why they almost said Darlia. They do know about The Academy. They’re testing me.
Suddenly, the air feels tight and heavy, and I’m feeling something I haven’t felt in over ten years: panic. Lauren comes through my earpiece saying something, but I don’t hear it. I’m unable to do anything. Did he drug me? I’ve never felt like this before. Everything turns muffled, and only the sound of my heart racing reaches my ears.
“Darcie?” Cayden’s voice fills with concern.
“Darlia, what the fuck is going on?” Lauren’s voice fills my head, this time audible.
Pulling away from Cayden, I turn and start walking in no particular direction, trying to find a way out of the panic seeping through my bones when I see an empty bathroom in an abandoned shopping centre. I waste no time, walking inside and locking the door before leaning over the sink.
Fuck, fuck, fuck.
Breathe, Darlia, breathe. Just fucking—
“Darlia?” Lauren’s voice fills my ears again, and I’m grateful for the distraction.
Turning my earpiece back on, I manage to respond, “I’m here, just give me a minute.” My voice is hoarse, and I groan. If Madam decides to review our conversation, I’m screwed and guaranteed a night in the chair.
Looking into the mirror for the first time since leaving The Academy, I see the fear in my reflection. Fear I have always been able to hide. Yet one touch, and my walls crumble; it’s almost laughable. The best at everything, except for genuine human connection, apparently.
Exactly how The Academy trained me to be.
Forcing deep breaths and the air to fill my lungs, I ground myself back to the present, trying to calm down and remember who I am. I am an assassin. I can handle a little touch. I am Darlia, PX-3, an agent of The Academy and the best at what we do.
I want this target dead. And I want to be the one to do it.
Forcing myself to go cold again, I allow myself one final moment to collect myself before I step back out of the bathroom.
Cayden is leaning against the wall, waiting for me. His eyes fill with concern as he looks me over, a soft and barely audible sigh leaving his lips when he realises I look like I’m okay.
“You okay? I didn’t mean to scare you. I swear, I won’t touch you again without your permission.” There’s a panic in his voice that wasn’t there before. I can’t decide if he’s scared that he upset me, or scared that I know this is another Academy test. It has to be the latter.
“I’m fine, I must’ve eaten something that didn't agree with me.”
Cayden’s brows knit in confusion like he doesn’t believe me, but he doesn’t push further either. “Alright, come on. I’ll take you back outside for some fresh air,” he says, careful not to touch me as he leads me outside back up the broken subway stairs, letting the fresh air fill my lungs. “Take as long as you need. I’ll make sure no one disturbs us.”
“Why are you being so nice to me?” I ask before I can stop myself. Is this all a part of some Academy test? It has to be; there is no other reason why this target would be different. They have to be testing me, seeing my reaction to kindness. And I’m pretty sure I failed.
“Basic respect is not kindness, Darcie. Anyone would help someone about to have a panic attack. Or at least I would like to believe that.”
Panic attack? No, I was not having a panic attack. I was nervous for a second, but saying I was going to have a panic attack? I don’t even know what that is, because I can’t afford to have one. I am PX-3, a lethal assassin. I do not have panic attacks.
“Why do you act like kindness is so distant to you?” Cayden asks, stepping closer to me but still leaving just enough distance between us, being careful he doesn’t touch me. Damn him for being so…I don’t know. But whatever test they have him playing, he’s good. Too good. His genuine remorse is unsettling.
“Wouldn’t you say the same? We have order, but it comes at a cost. Citizens lost their faith after the war. Our order keeps us safe, but the citizens haven’t been the same since.” I recite what we were told in our classes; it’s our job to restore that faith and keep our citizens safe.
“Do you always say what they tell you to?” Cayden asks, his voice so smooth I almost miss the words leaving his lips. The moment I do, my eyes flick up to his, and his lips twitch into a smirk again.
“What are you talking about?”
