Lifting my hand to brush the hair from her face, I noticed the blood staining my hand. Staining both of them. The sight of it brought back the anxiety of how I found her. Tears streamed down my face, dripping on my palms as I stared at them. The droplets dampened the blood, turning it pink. It was a reminder of how lucky I was. I was lucky to have Hazel in my life. I was lucky that she’s strong. I was lucky she’s a fighter. I was lucky she’s a survivor.I’m the lucky one, because Phil could have easily taken her from all of us, and I could be saying my goodbyes right now.
I sobbed as I scrubbed the blood from my hands. I felt dirty, like I was a walking billboard for what Phil had done to her. I wondered how many people in the ER stared at that blood, suspecting whose it was and how it got on me. It needed to be erased, so no one could see it or ask questions. The stares and questions she will get when they discharge her will be hard enough. This is her story to tell if she so chooses, not mine.
When the nurse told me I needed to go, I didn’t fight her. I kissed Hazel’s forehead, one of the few places not completely battered on her body, and told her I’d be back as soon as they would let me. As I left her room, I saw a middle-aged cop sitting behind the nurse’s desk. He reminded me of Roger. My stomach twisted knowing I’d have to call him. With everything going on, I didn’t think about work today. Fuck.
Erick and Bobby watched me with pained expressions as I walked back into the waiting room. I told them the extent of her injuries and that she was resting well. They were relieved, but not by much. Bobby went to get us coffee as I hunted down Roger’s phone number. I was terrified to call him. My hand shook as I dialed his number and hovered over the send button. Roger isn’t a horrible boss. But I feared when I told him I needed time off to care for Hazel, he might fire me. I need this job.
Erick leaned over and gave me a kiss, then slipped the phone from my hand. He hit send then walked away where I couldn’t hear him, taking my anxiety with him. I would be lost without him right now. He’s been my wall to lean on tonight, but Erick needs to know that I’m here for him too. Same for Bobby. I didn’t witness this alone. I’m not the only one hurting.
Bobby and I were sipping the dirty coffee when Erick got back. He sat down and wrapped his arm around my shoulders, taking the sewer water Bobby offered him.
“Roger will be here at eight for visiting hours,” Erick said before taking a sip of his coffee and making a face.
“What? No, he doesn’t need to see her like this.”
“Cady, Roger loves her too. He needs to see her as much as the rest of us do,” Erick said, reasoning with me.
I nodded my head, but silently disagreed with him. It was Hazel’s choice who saw her like that. I sat my drink down on the table and leaned against Erick, falling asleep on the waiting room couch while we waited for visiting hours to begin.
It felt like only seconds before Bobby shook my shoulder to wake me. I lifted my head to see Roger sitting solemnly on the opposite couch.
“It’s almost time for visiting hours,” Bobby said quietly, his voice rough from lack of sleep and crying.
I patted his stubble-covered cheek, and he closed his eyes accepting the comfort.
“Erick, wake up.” I nudged himwith my arm. He stirred and sat up straighter, rubbing his face.
I went to Roger, and he took my hand in his, patting the back of it soothingly. It was enough to have me crying again, except I didn’t know if I could anymore. I shed so many tears last night that my well may have run dry. My eyes felt scratchy, and like they may turn to dust.
“Will you tell me what happened?” Roger asked.
“No,” I answered, and his brows pulled together. “I don’t know what happened. I just know what we walked in on.”
Roger nodded his head and squeezed my hand. “How bad is she? Is she going to be okay?”
I took a deep, shuddering breath, struggling to contain my emotions, and turned to him. “Physically, she looks worse than she is. I would like to go back and see her before anyone else does to let her know she has visitors, and make sure she’s okay with people seeing her right now.”
He nodded again but remained silent. Probably forming his own picture of her in his mind. I know he cares for Hazel. They’ve worked together for years, and he always invited her over for cookouts and family gatherings knowing she doesn’t have anyone. Hazel has loved him for that, and he has become somewhat like family to her.
“Roger, I know I just started, and it puts you in a bind, but I’m going to need some time off to take careof her.” The words rushed from my mouth, and I held my breath waiting for his response.
“Absolutely,” he stated firmly.
My chin dropped to my chest as I exhaled thankfully. Roger’s finger lifted it up. “We’ll get everything figured out, Cady. Let’s just get Hazel well.”
I threw my arms around him, and he held me tight. Tears I didn’t think I could shed rolled down my cheeks. When we parted, he was crying too.
We sat there and watched the clock tick down. At 7:59, I rushed the ICU to get to Hazel. I had already waited too long, and I wasn’t waiting for that final minute to pass. She was in the same position when I left her hours ago. I gripped her hand in mine, taking in the darkening bruises on her face. The doctor told us it would get worse before it got better. I wasn’t expecting them to turn almost black, though.
I watched as her lids fluttered, and her head moved slightly. But when my hand squeezed hers reassuringly, she jerked awake and pulled from my grasp, terrified. I jumped as she shrieked and looked around, trying to figure out where she was.
“You’re safe, Hazel. It’s okay,” I said, gripping the railing of her bed.
The nurse rushed in to check on her, and I backed up to get out of her way. She worked efficiently, and calmly, speaking to Hazel in soft tones to soothe her as she checked her vitals and explained where she was. I watched as she injected something into her IV to helpher relax, then said the doctor would be in shortly to speak with her.
When the nurse left the room, Hazel saw me plastered against the wall in fear. I was scared to touch her again, afraid that I would unintentionally hurt her. Tears rolled down her cheeks before she turned away from me.
“No, Hazel.” I rushed to her side and gripped the rail once again. “Please don’t do that. Don’t shut me out.”
