“What?”
“Don’t pretend like you don’t have somefascinationwith her.”
“I’m not sure what you’re talking about.”
“I’m sitting right next to you. I can see the way you search for her between each scene. I’m not an idiot.”
He’s smart enough to see that I am looking for Ella but not smart enough to stop blaming her for what her father did. That seems pretty stupid to me.
“You are a Williams. You should know better than to get involved with someone like her.”
“Someone like her?” I ask slowly. I know what he thinks about her father and her family. I have heard the hatespewed toward the Adamses for years. I have been guilty of misplacing my anger toward Ella and regret blinding following the mob mentality. If my father is going to tell me I shouldn’t be involved with her, I want to know the exact reasons for it.
“Her father almost destroyed us. You know that. She is destined to be just like him. If you make the mistake of trusting her, she will destroy you, too.”
My blood is boiling, and I bite the inside of my cheek so hard that I’m surprised I don’t draw blood. My father knows nothing about Ella. He doesn’t know that we ruined her just as much as her father ruined us. The only difference is that she didn’t do anything wrong. I made her life a living hell for the last few years, and I don’t ever want to hurt her again. Even now, I feel the need to protect her reputation to my father.
I tilt up my chin. “So what if I did get involved with her? She’s not a bad person.”
“Why do you vex me?” he says almost to himself before he gives me a pointed look. “You are not allowed to get involved with her. I forbid it.”
I have spent years in constant fear of disappointing my parents. I have worked hard to meet their expectations, and now he’s telling me I can’t date Ella? It’s a little late for that. I laugh coldly. “You forbid it? It’s March. I graduate in two months, and then I go off to college. How exactly are you going to tell me that I can’t date her?”
His returning smile is so icy I get chills. “Everythingyou have is because of me. The house you live in, the food you eat, the car you drive. I can take it all away.”
My brows lower. “You’d take away my food if I dated Ella?”
“Is that what you’re getting from all this?”
“No, what I’m getting from this is that you are willing to take out the anger you have toward a grown man on his daughter. And if that’s the case, maybe I don’t want to take anything else from you.”
My hands are shaking at my sides by the time I finish speaking. I have never talked to my father like that before. I’ve been too afraid to. I’ve fought hard not to disappoint my parents and could never understand how David could be so flippant about their approval. And now, faced with him insulting Ella, I finally get it. I brace myself for whatever comes out my dad’s mouth next.
He doesn’t say anything. He only nods once. “I understand.”
The auditorium lights flash, signaling the end of intermission. I make my way back to my seat, trailing behind my father the entire time. I am dying to know what’s going through his mind right now. Is he going to cut me off? Will I have a place to stay when the musical is over? I really don’t know, but I can’t control what happens next.
I can only try to enjoy the rest of the musical and find joy in the small glimpses I get of Ella.
21
MOST LIKELY TO CHANGE THEIR MIND
Decision day is in a week,and there’s a stack of college acceptance letters covering my desk. They all came in fancy folders congratulating me on meeting their tough academic standards. Some colleges sent stickers, some sent socks. One envelope plays the school's fight song every time I open it, and another has a cardboard cutout of the campus. It’s all very impressive and all very overwhelming.
I have been accepted into every college that I’ve applied to, and each one has offered some kind of scholarship package, but I still don’t know where to go. I wish I could blame my inability to choose on the uncertainty of Citrus Scholar, but that’s not the reason I can’t commit to a school.
It’s stupid Connor Williams and his stupid perfect…everything.
Ever since we started dating, my convictions about going to a school outside of Floridahave become less firm. I wanted to get away from Mom and Chad. I wanted to get away from the reputation that comes from having a dad in prison. I wanted to get away from Connor.
But I’m starting to wonder if these are things that I need to escape or if they’re parts of me that I have to accept. Not to mention the fact that cost isn’t a roadblock if I go to an in-state school. Between Florida’s academic scholarship and anything I get from the school itself, I’m basically set. I rub my hands over my face and then plop my head down on top of the folders. Why is this so hard? Why can’t I just pick one?
You know why.
I sit back up and shuffle through the acceptance letters until I find the one from University of Florida. It has a little felt flag in the folder. I pull it out and run my fingers over the image of the mascot. Lily has already paid her admission deposit. Hardy did not get in but applied for Santa Fe and is already looking at apartments. Connor hasn’t committed yet, but I know he wants to. While he hasn’t come out and said it, I think he’s waiting for me to make a decision.
I sigh and tuck the flag back into the folder.
