“Does itmatter?”
“Five minutes. Just give me five minutes to talk about what happenedyesterday.”
“Fine.” She grabbed the flowers out of my hand. I followed as she walked toward the kitchen and put them on the granite countertop. After she set them down, she turned around and crossed her arms. She didn’t say anything but watched me through that damn mask of indifference shesometimeswore.
“I like you, Michelle. And I think you like me too.” I stopped to give her a chance to confirm my suspicions, but she remained silent. The confidence I’d gained through my conversation with my dad quickly left my body, but I pressed on. “You were just telling me how people change and I think you’re right. People can change. Unfortunately, the first time I was tested, I refused to listen. I believed two girls I barely know over you. It was stupid, and I’m sorry. I came here to give you a chance to say what you tried to say last night. I want to hear what I refused tolistento.”
“And I told you, it’s really okay. Last night sucked, but I think it’s good ithappened.”
“What are you talkingabout?”
“Rainier, you’re going off to school in a couple of weeks,right?”
“Yeah.”
“Think about it. What would either of us gain through a relationship right now? Yes, I like you, but I can’t go down that road either. I can’t open myself up only to watch you leave. It’s betterthisway.”
“What about a long-distancerelationship?”
Michelle closed her eyes and shook her head back and forth. “No way. I’m not even sure I want a relationship right now. But if I do, I don’t want to be on the backburner. And really, you should want more than being an afterthought inanothercity.”
“It wouldn’t have to belikethat.”
“Of course it would be like that. Come on, Rainier. I know this is all new to you, but surely even you can see how that’s a bad idea.” She leaned back against thecounter.
I took the opportunity to walk over next to her and lean against it too. I got as close as I could, without touching her. We stood in silence next to each other for several minutes, neither one of us looking at the otherperson.
“I really saw this going differently,” Ifinallysaid.
“Yeah, but it’s betterthisway.”
“Maybe,” I answered, still not convinced. I leaned in and kissed Michelle’s cheek before walking out and getting intomycar.
I drove straight home, grabbed my guitar from Sarah, and played into thenight.
This time, the lyrics cameeasily.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Michelle
Iwatchedas Rainier got into his car anddroveaway.
Of course, he was going to school in a couple of weeks. It was ridiculous to think otherwise. We hadn’t even had our first official date. But some part of me had hoped I could be someone’s priority. Justthisonce.
I didn’t actually hate the idea of love. I was terrified of it. I wanted the big shows of affections, the declarations of unwavering devotion. I’d never had that, and with every failed relationship, I wondered if I was being unrealistic in expecting it to happenoneday.
After the station wagon was out of view, I went back into the kitchen to the flowers Rainier had brought. They were beautiful. It wasn't a professional arrangement that cost an arm and a leg. These were hand-picked, every stem a promise. When I lifted the bouquet to my nose to smell them, I was surprised by how sweet thescentwas.
Fresh tears threatened to come to the surface, so I threw the flowers away in the kitchen trash, vase and all. It wouldn’t do me any good to sit and dwell on my almost relationship with Rainier. I was just fine before he showed up in my life, and I’d be just fine now that hewasgone.
With only one shift left at Between The Pages, I might never have to see him again. And even if I had to work with Rainier, I would do what I always did. I would rise above it and make itthrough.
I debated on whether or not I was going to go back to my very lively schedule of watching television but decided to text Averyinstead.
Me:Ladydate?
Aves: Sure.Whattime?
