“Oh, Gwen, whathappened?”
“Ugh. I don’t even know. I mean, we’re not together, right? But sometimes…sometimes it feels like we are. And the pressure was too much for me and I totally lost my temper and said some things I can’ttakeback.”
I studied the girl before me, trying to imagine her losing her temper. I didn’t think she could hurt a fly, but maybe I just hadn’t seen that side ofheryet.
“But youwantto be with him,don’tyou?”
“Of course I do.” She looked up at me and I noticed she had tears inhereyes.
“Gwen,” I said her name because I didn’t know what to say, only that something was seriously wrong and I had no clue what it was. “Gwen.” I repeated when she didn’t answer me. I was vaguely aware I was using the very tone of voice I couldn’t standhearing.
“I used to be really popular. Like,reallypopular when I lived in California. And, then…” Her voicetrailedoff.
“What happened?” Iasked.
“I really don’t want to go into it right now. I’m sorry, Katie. But anyway, it’s why I don’t care about all that stuff anymore. And, Mitch, he’s just been pushing. He just doesn’tgetit.”
“This is why you’re mad at him?” I asked,confused.
“He just has it so easy and I think I resent him for it. I don’t want to. But I do. And honestly, if it wasn’t for the fact you lost your mom, I think I might resent you too.” She let out a sardonic laugh. “I’m not a good person,Katie.”
What was she talking about?Of courseshewas.
“Of course you are,” I argued. “You are one of the only good people in this small town.” She had reached out to me when I was new to town. She was one of the only people who didn’t believe the awful things they said about Julian. There weren’t many decent people around here, as far as I could tell. Thankfully, I happened to be friends with all of them. “Of course, I’d argue Mitch is one of thosepeopletoo.”
“Yeah.” She smiled at my word. “But you have no idea about my past,Katie.”
“Only because you won’ttellme.”
Gwen put her head in her hands and didn’t answer for a while. I didn’t push, but just let my own thoughts wander while she sorted through her own. What could she have done that made her so embarrassed of her past? The way she was acting, it made me think she’d killed a man or pushed an old lady down the stairs. Both were impossible tobelieve.
Seeing her sitting across for me with a look of hopelessness across her face broke my heart because I didn’t know what to do. I wasn’t good at comforting. I was the one who stole comfort from others like a thief who was neversatisfied.
“Katie,” Gwen finally spoke. “I want to tell you. I’m just not ready. Please, just bear with me. If I talked to anyone about why we left California, it would be you.” The tears started coming faster as shespoke.
Oh,crap.
I went to her and hugged her while she cried, thankful the coffee shop was currently empty. Even Janelle, the owner, had made herself scarce. So I held my friend, not knowing what was going on and I whispered encouragement as she shook. I wished there was something I could do to take awaythepain.
Is this how Julian had felt that night in hisbackyard?
I don’t know how long we sat like that before Gwen finally pulled away and wiped her face on her sweater. “Thanks, Katie. I really needed that.” She took a deep breath before adding, “And, thank you for not pushing. I really needthattoo.”
I was curious, but would give her this. I knew we each handled life’s difficulties differently. Remembering my weeks on my mom’s couch, I also knew I couldn’t let her wallow in it. She had her time to cry, she didn’t want to talk about it yet, and now it was time to dosomethingfun.
“You’re welcome. I know you’ll tell me when you’re ready. But,” I gave her my best attempt at a playful smile and waved my hands around mimicking the way Gwen always used her hands to talk, “we’re not going to sit around and dwell on it either. We’re going to hit up Sephora and give ourselves ridiculous makeovers.” I said it in an upbeat voice that put Gwen’s usually cheerful disposition toshame.
“What?” She smiled, but lookedconfused.
“Well, I always cut my hair when a boy makes me sad,” I explained. I waved my hand at her head and continued, “You, my dear, don’t have room to lose any more. So makeupitis.”
She smiled. “Makeupitis.”
I stuck to the same boring makeup routine every day. Light foundation, mascara, lip gloss. I never ventured into anything new and exciting. Makeup terrified me andconfusedme.
But when we hit up the makeup superstore, Gwen lit up like a kid in a candy shop. She grabbed a basket and was throwing things into it before I even registered whattheywere.
Pencils, brushes, even something resembling a torture device were purchased and already Gwen was looking more like herself than she had earlier that morning. After spending an hour walking around and more money than reasonable, we made our way back to herplace.
