I ram the heels of my hands into my eyes until bright lights burst behind them. “Always.”
“Always?” he chokes.
“Yeah. Well, ever since I was old enough to realize what want and love were. That it was more than just being friends. I guess my brother pointed it out to me. When he started dating her, she went from being one of my only friends to being one of my only friends, but also his girlfriend.”
“Jesus. That’s rough. Maybe you should just… leave him to his own fate?”
I laugh but it’s cold and unhappy. “I would consider it if Esme wasn’t in trouble. They’re going to come after her if he doesn’t show or doesn’t pay. But otherwise… yeah. I’d love for him to get himself out of his own mess. Although, I don’t know if I could just let him die. He’s still my brother, even if he never did deserve the title.”
“Not being able to choose fucking family is a real bitch.”
“He’s a product of what my parents made him, I guess. They always defended him. He couldn’t do anything wrong. They were so proud of him.” My hands finally freeze on the keys. “I have this insane childish urge to go over there right now and rub it in their faces.”
“Don’t do that.”
I snort. “I won’t. I’m not gonna waste any more time on James than I have to. They’ll find out soon enough, and the fact that I helped and never told them will be pretty telling.”
“You don’t have to do this all on your own. We’ve got you.” Dravin squeezes my shoulder right as I bring up exactly what I’m looking for.
“Mexico,” I grunt. “How unoriginal. Five star resort, no less. Wow. Hiding in plain sight and doing it in style. That’s pretty much James exactly. Ego the size of a small city.”
“Mm. You could just transfer the debt to the cartel.” When I sigh, Dravin winces. “Sorry. I had it lined up to say that you could pull a Maverick and steal money from some rich assholes to pay the loan sharks, but that didn’t work out so well for him.”
“Rich assholes, especially if they’re criminal, dangerous ones will usually notice something like that.”
We both pause for a moment. “Are you gonna call him? If we weren’t pressed for time, I’d say wait and I’ll make popcorn.” Dravin can’t help the shit-eating grin when I aim a dirty look in his direction. “Got it. That’s a hard no.” He walks to the door. “I’ll leave you alone. Just one more question. What are you gonna do now that she’s probably finished with your brother.”
We’ve been through so much, but the one constant was always those lines drawn in the sand. Walls kept in place. Boundaries that could never be crossed. The lines weren’t in my head. They were distinctlyreal. The world has held its shape for so long that I have no idea what will happen when all of that looks different. It will be like waking up, a stranger in a foreign land, with no clue how to speak the language or how to find myself. I’ll always have the stories of our friendship, the memories, but I have no idea how to exist.
My throat is so dry and closed up that the words barely scrape their way out. I give Dravin the only truth I know. “Nothing.”
I hate the sympathy that softens his face. “Chances are, if things were this bad and your brother was always a pretty epic cunt, she’s been moved on for quite a while. Trapped, maybe. Scared. If she’s angry or sad about anything, it’s being betrayed, but the relationship? Just because she’s moving on as of today, doesn’t mean she hasn’t been checked out and over it for a long time.”
“That might be the worst advice anyone’s ever given.”
He shrugs. “Is it?”
He leaves me alone, not unkindly, to call my asshole brother, and then to try and figure the rest of this out.
Chapter 4
Esme
My head is fucked.
I know that for a fact, because when Wizard knocks on the door an hour later and I open it, my first thought is that he looks a little bit weary. Tired. But more so, that he looks amazing. Lovely. Familiar and safe, like he’s wrapped up everything that was once good about this town and carries it inside himself.
Home. He looks like home.
That’s sort of… crazy. I guess that burning what remained of my relationship to the ground right before finding out about the worst betrayal by a man who was supposed to love and cherish me and instead basically left me for dead, has officially scrambled my brain.
Although… isn’t it the most natural thing to gravitate toward a man who used to be my best friend? Wizard saw me through some of my worst moments. He shared his incredible grandfather with me. He opened his heart and life and loved me with that unconditional friendship love for such a long time. He let me come here tonight, listened, and promised me that everything would be okay. He’s the one holding up the sky and slotting all my missing puzzle pieces into place. When I think about James, I don’t know that I honestly ever felt like it was going to be forever, but that’s the way I wanted Wizard to be. My friend for the rest of my life.
It was me who fucked that all up, but he’s never once acted like anything was wrecked. He’s always seemed to understand.
My eyes get glassy and I have to stare at the light from the hallway over Wizard’s shoulder. If I look at him, I’m scared I’m going to break down.
“Did you find him?” I wince. “Sorry. I don’t want that to be the first question I ask. Are you okay? How areyouholding up?”
