“Hey, at least I’m not trying to rob nobody,” he said, and I had to agree. “Plus, that’s easy money. All you have to do is stand there and look pretty. I’ll do the rest.”
I laughed again, but it didn’t feel as joyful as it should have. That heavy feeling was still pressing on me with every breath, but I hid it. I couldn’t fall apart in the middle of his mom’s party.
“Nah,” I said, stepping around him again, giving his shoulder a light nudge as I passed. “You gon’ have to take that loss.”
“Aight, but you ain’t right,” he called after me. “I would’ve danced with your crazy ass.”
“I know,” I shot back over my shoulder.
This time, Giani fell into step beside me instead of letting me walk off alone.
I took a slow breath, trying to calm myself as the night air hit my face. My apartment building was right next door, separated only by a narrow strip of grass, so I didn’t have far to go.
The party noise faded the farther we walked, leaving behind nothing but a faint thump of bass that blended into the pounding in my chest. The engagement ring. The garden. Booda on one knee. Those images kept forcing their way back into my head, no matter how hard I tried to push them down. Dr. Reeves, the physician Mrs. Mary had forced me to see, warned me that memories could come back suddenly and feel stronger than the present moment itself. He told me not to fight them.
That advice sounded good in theory, but in reality, every memory left me feeling like somebody was reaching inside my chest and rearranging parts of me before disappearing again. That was too much. I could’ve gone the rest of my life without remembering the proposal if this was what came with it.
“You okay?” Giani asked quietly beside me.
“Yeah,” I lied automatically.
She didn’t call me out on it.
We reached my building, and I climbed the stairs with my key already in my hand. The second I unlocked the door and stepped inside, I pushed it shut behind us and locked it immediately, then checked the handle once more to make sure it caught properly.
The apartment was dark except for the faint light bleeding through the blinds. I reached for the light out of habit, then stopped halfway through the motion, embarrassment suddenly creeping up my neck. But if Giani really was who she claimed to be to me, then there wasn’t much point in pretending she hadn’t already seen me at my worst.
I went ahead and turned on the lights.
Giani looked around, and for the first time since moving into my apartment, I became painfully aware of how I’d been living. The place looked sad with somebody else standing inside it. I didn’t have anything, not a couch, a table, or even a bed. It was at that moment that I knew I had to do better.
“I know it ain’t much, but—”
“Girl, stop.” Giani cut me off, her eyes snapping back to mine as she waved me off.
Still, I caught the way her gaze moved across the bare walls, the empty corners, and the floor where a couch should’ve been. She recovered quickly, but I could still tell she was surprised by what she saw.
“How long you been staying here?” she asked gently as she lowered herself onto the living room floor and crossed her legs.
“A few months.”
“A few months?” Her brows pulled together. “And you been living like this the whole time?”
I shrugged because I didn’t know what else to do with the question. “I don’t have a job, so money’s been tight. Can’t furnish an apartment on faith alone.”
“Where Booda been through all this?” she asked, and the question caught me off guard.
I looked away, ashamed to even repeat what Mrs. Mary told me out loud, but this was my friend. There was no reason to hold back or lie to her.
“Mrs. Mary told me he locked up somewhere outta state, and don’t wanna see or talk to me.”
The second the words left my mouth, Giani made a face. It happened fast, but I caught it.
“What?” I questioned, ready to go on the defense.
Giani blinked and laughed softly, though it sounded forced. “Nothing.”
“That face wasn’t nothing.”
