Rage crawled higher into my chest anyway.
“Your lie had me walking around feeling disconnected from reality.”
“You wasn’t crazy, baby.”
“Then what do you call it?” I demanded. “Cause that was what everyone else thinks.”
Mrs. Mary’s eyes filled with tears.
“I’m so sorry, Koko. When I found out you lost your memory, I didn’t know what to do.”
“You could’ve told me the truth.”
“And then what?” she asked.
I opened my mouth, but nothing came out.
Mrs. Mary visibly trembled. “You think I didn’t know what you would’ve done after finding out my son had been killed? You loved Booda too much to let that go.”
Mrs. Mary looked down at her shaking hands before continuing.
“I begged both of y’all so many times to leave them streets alone.” Her voice quaked as she shook her head. “But the money, the cars, the jewelry, the hood fame… y’all was addicted to that life. I knew the kinda reputation both of y’all had, and heard about the enemies y’all made. Then my baby died while you were lying in a hospital bed fighting for your life.”
Tears spilled down her cheek.
“And when you finally woke up, you couldn’t remember none of it. I thought maybe God was giving you another chance,” she admitted. “A chance to live different.”
“You should’ve let me decide that.”
“You right.” She nodded immediately. “You absolutely right.”
The sincerity in her voice made it harder to stay angry.
Mrs. Mary wiped beneath one eye before continuing.
“I wanted to tell you,” she admitted softly. “But then I started seeing pieces of you come back to life. You were smiling again. Sleeping peacefully. Talking about opening businesses, decorating your apartment, and regular life stuff.” Her voice broke, and she lowered her eyes for a moment before looking back at me. “And the more I saw you wanting to build a better life for yourself, the harder it became to ruin that.”
She swallowed hard.
“And I got selfish.”
I looked away from her. “Most of it was a lie,” I confessed. “Some days, I didn’t know whether I was coming or going. I kept trying to force myself into this version of me that felt safe, normal… good.” I swallowed hard and squeezed my eyes shut. “Then my memory started coming back, and it felt like two different people lived inside me. The woman I was trying to become and the woman I used to be stayed at war with each other every single day.”
My admission really had Mrs. Mary crying now. She reached across the table, her weathered hand open and waiting.
I stared at it for a long moment, not sure if I was ready to let her touch me. Not sure if accepting that gesture meant I was forgiving her or just tired of holding on to the anger.
I let her take my hand. “I should’ve known better,” Mrs. Mary whispered. “I should’ve trusted you to handle the truth.”
“Maybe,” I said quietly. “Or maybe you were right. Maybe I would’ve done something stupid. Look what ended up happening anyway.”
“I’m so sorry,” she said for the second time. “I didn’t wanna lose you too.”
That hit harder than I expected.
Mrs. Mary leaned forward. “I didn’t only love you because of my son. Koko, you been family to me.”
Hearing her cry almost broke me.
