Briefly, when the first looted pregnancy test came back positive, she shared her fears about losing this baby while sobbing in the bathroom. But she hasn’t mentioned it since, perhaps preferring to focus on what they can control instead of what they can’t. He hasn’t pushed her to talk about it, and now it’s festered long enough to come bursting from her seams.
He fears she might object, and he doesn’t have much of a follow-up planned, but her lower lip only trembles. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me. It wasn’t like this with Emma. I didn’t feel anything back then. I never felt happy or sad, and I never cried. I wasn’t afraid. I was just…empty, and I thought that was a bad thing, but now I’m not sure I can handle this instead.”
“You can handle it. You already are.”
“I’m so unprepared, Wyatt. For everything.”
He rubs her back while she tries to hold her tears in. “I’m afraid, too.”
“Really? Because you look more prepared than I am.”
“I’m fucking terrified. You mean everything to me. This is a one-way train, though, and all we can do is ride it until it stops.”
“What if I wanna get off the train?”
“Little late for that, they already punched your ticket.”
“Dammit.” She huffs through her tears, her voice turning small and quiet. “I’m sorry. I’ve been trying to keep it together, but it gets more difficult the bigger she gets. Hard to ignore a bowling ball in my stomach.”
“Don’t have to be sorry.”
“I have you picking up dropped food for me so I don’t explode. That’s worth an apology.” She slides him a half-amused, half-horrified glance. “I would have lost it if I couldn’t finish those crackers. I’m not even joking.”
“I am well aware.”
She hisses with a sharp inhale, holding her lower back. “Shit, shit, it won’t stop.”
“Come on, lemme try the thing. I’ll be gentle, I promise.”
She must be miserable because this time she agrees. Let’s him guide her to the floor, where she gets on all fours, putting her back in the right position for him to apply pressure to either side of her hips. “It’s like she’s taking a tiny, baby-sized chainsaw to my spine.”
He’s never done this before, but he read the instructions ten times. It can’t be that hard. He searches for the right spots and carefully digs his knuckles in, rolling and pushing until she lets out a strangled sound and her body lifts up to meet his touch.
“Oh my god. That actually worked,” she gasped, rolling over to brace backward against the bed.
“Thank fuck, because I wasn’t sure it would help.”
“You said you were sure!”
“Yeah, well, had to be better than nothing.”
She shakes her head, going silent for a long moment before her next comment takes a wild turn. “I won’t be like this forever,you know? Once the baby is here, I’ll be back to normal. I won’t look so whale-like.”
He squints. “You aren’t a whale.”
“I feel like one. Everything’s changed so much that it has to be hard to deal with it, so I’m just saying it’s temporary.”
“Where’s this coming from?”
He can’t remember doing anything that would lead her to believe he’s bothered by the changes to her body. Nothing could be further from the truth.
She stares at him a beat, and whatever calm they managed to gather disintegrates right before his eyes as her face crumbles. Then she’s gone. Rushing into the bathroom, where the door clicks shut behind her, and a steady stream of sobs filters through the wood.
That’s not at all what he expected to happen.
Is she hungry?
Did he say something wrong?
