“The thing you’ll regret not saying when I’m gone.”
Bea lifted her hand to fix her hair, stalling for time. His focus followed the movement, then locked.
On her empty finger.
“Where’s your ring?”
“At home.” Her lips felt dry. She licked them.
His jaw worked. “Did you wear it today?”
“Yes. I took it off before BJJ.”
Rafael seemed to resume breathing, but it wasn’t quite even.
They walked again. The silence lasted until they reached her building.
“I’m tired,” she said when they stopped in front of the automatic doors.
“Bea—”
“I need time to think. Space.”
A vein stood out at his temple. He squinted slightly, like he was trying to figure out how to deal with her. She waited, body rigid. Then: “I’ll message you when I land.”
Chapter Three
It was 2:17 a.m. Again.
Four nights she’d woken at this hour. The bags under her eyes were approaching carry-on status.
Bea pushed herself upright, hair falling into her face. She’d told herself she needed room to think. Now she was trapped in the echo chamber of her own mind, dissecting every permutation except this last one:
What if I just…don’t marry him?
Her vision adjusted to the dark. The outline of her dresser. Her desk. The wooden box with the kris inside that Rafael had brought from Malaysia.
She could keep living with Lillian. Wake early, walk to Monaghan & Stowe. They could even stay together, if he was willing, just without that final binding decision.
But the idea didn’t bring peace. It felt smaller than her life had become. She could do it. She knew she could. But knowing wasn’t the same as wanting it.
Her hand drifted to her engagement ring. It lay where she’d left it earlier, in its box next to her phone. Where she’d been putting it every time she got home. She opened the box and slid it back onto her finger. The panic quieted, her body seemed toexhale. The cool band against her skin felt like a brand. And part of her…liked it.
Bea stared at it, annoyed. The ease of it grated. She pulled it off again, set it, and closed the lid. Ignored the way the hollow rushed back.
Her phone buzzed and she startled. Only one person would message her at this hour.
RAFAEL: Baby, I’m staying a day longer than planned.
They hadn’t stopped talking completely. Just enough messages to keep the thread alive.
LITTLE BEA: So you’ll postpone the interior designer?
RAFAEL: Go without me. Make the decisions.
LITTLE BEA: You’re handing me the reins?
RAFAEL: It’s your house, too.
