‘Your family, the FaceTime call, this door.’ She nods behind me.
I press my lips together. ‘You’re right. I shouldn’t have taken the call. I don’t think of them as being outside though. They’re my family, and we’re close. I didn’t think how it would make you feel; I’m sorry.’
She jerks her head away, her expression impossible to read.
‘As for this door, I was just too focused on you to think about it. It won’t happen again.’
She nods once.
‘Bailey, I like you. I like spending time with you, making you laugh, making you scream my name,’ I add with a wink, when she glances my way. A smile trembles on her lips. ‘But we already agreed what this is. My whole world is bull riding,no one’s going to come between me and it, even someone as incredible as you. I’m up for a good time with you while you’re hanging around. If that’s something you’re up for, then let me know. Otherwise, we can just go back to how it was before. It’s your call.’
She stares at me, and I can see the war she’s waging, the way she’s trying to work out what she wants, and what she knows she should do.
‘This isn’t— It’s not really you,’ she says, after a brief pause. To my relief, she steps back, deeper into her hotel room, which is similar to mine in terms of decor but smaller, so I feel too big for this space. ‘It’s … my ex,’ she groans, squeezing her eyes shut. ‘That whole thing really messed me up. This is hard for me.’
I brace my body, feet planted wide, arms at my side, as I let her words work through me. I immediately think of Beth and the absolute piece of shit she was married to before Cole. The guy who used to hurt her because he was a POS, who treated her like she was his to control and intimidate.
‘Did he hit you?’ I hate even saying the words, let alone imagining it.
She spins around and stares at me, then shakes her head quickly. ‘God, no, no, never. Kirk wasn’t violent.’ She twists her fingers though, and I recognise that there are many ways one person can hurt another.
‘He was just a lying bastard,’ she says, after a long, drawn-out pause. ‘He was married. I didn’t know.’
I let out a low whistle. ‘Scum.’ I move closer to her, but I can tell from her body language that she doesn’t want to be touched or comforted. In that moment, she’s like a fierce bull, and I haveenough experience wrangling them to know when to back off and keep my distance. ‘Were you with him long?’
‘Almost a year.’
Surprise strangles me. ‘And you had no idea?’
So much for being good at reading people. It’s the worst thing I can say. She sends me a look of abject frustration and hurt. ‘Of course not. He was a very good liar. We met through work—he was a journalist for a New York paper, I was based in LA. He came over to cover a political event, we got talking. But it was a long-distance thing, we only saw each other when we travelled for work. Until he got headhunted bymypaper, and there was a welcome reception for him.’ She clears her throat, doesn’t quite meet my eyes. ‘His wife came—she surprised him. I don’t think he knew his worlds would collide like that.’
I bite back a curse. ‘Bastard.’
‘Yeah.’ She moves to the edge of the bed and sits down, staring straight ahead. She looks so small and fragile compared to her usual ball-busting image that something inside me snaps. ‘The thing is, I think he did love me, he just loved her too. He didn’t know how to choose between us, so I made the choice for him. I quit the paper the next day, took up a role at theHouston Standard, moved my ass halfway across the country so I’d never have to see him again.’
‘Have you?’
She angles her face to look at me, hesitating for a beat. ‘A couple of times.’ Her throat shifts. That green-eyed monster is unmistakable this time, but it’s combined with something else—a desire to protect her too. To want her to be strong enough to keep this jackass out of her life.
‘You were with him again?’
‘Not after I knew about her. I wouldneverdo that to another woman, Beau. How can you even ask me that?’
She’s right. Bailey is all scruples and morals. Even though I’ve only known her a matter of days, I know that. ‘So what happened when you saw him?’
‘He tried to explain. Told me he wanted to be friends. Said he could help ‘mentor’ me.’
‘And you said?’
‘That he could go to hell, obviously. If he really cared about me, he would never have put me in that position. I still feel so dirty, to know that I was with some poor woman’s husband. That she was at home, thinking she had this perfect life, and he was out there, making me fall in love with him, promising me a world he had no right to suggest he could give me. Jackass.’
But had she stayed single because she couldn’t get over the guy? Was that why she hadn’t been with anyone since? Or was it that after someone like that, she found it impossible to trust her own instincts?
I hedge my bets on the latter, because no matter what, that’s gotta be a part of this. ‘You don’t know me, Bailey. Not really. But if you did, if you spoke to any of the people in my life, they’d tell you this: you can trust me with your life. I am never gonna lie to you. I am never gonna use you. When I tell you I want to have fun with you, I mean just that. When I tell you this is only gonna last as long as you’re hanging around the tour, I mean that too. And when I tell you that the ball’s in your court, that you can ask me to leave this room right now and I will, that you can tell me we’re never sleeping together again and we won’t; all of this is onyour terms.’ I move closer, because I need her to see the truth on my face. I crouch down in front of her, so we’re both at eye level. ‘I’m nothing like him.’
That same war is being waged inside her—instincts she honed out of her heartbreak battling the instinct I think she has to trust me.
‘I know that,’ she whispers and puts a hand on my cheek, frowning as she stares at me. ‘I’ve known that since I first met you. You’re salt of the earth, one of the good ones. But you see, that scares me too, Beau.’
