‘We’ve had a lot of fun together.’
She chews on the corner of her lip.
‘But Ash—and I could be wrong here. You and I both know I’m not that bright,’ I joke, but it lands different now, with Bailey’s words tightening inside of me. ‘I kind of got the feeling that maybe there’s something more there for you. Or maybe you want there to be?’
She blinks away quickly, looks straight ahead, then, as I watch, takes a sip of her tea.
‘Am I wrong?’
She places the teacup on her knee, stares straight ahead. ‘You’re asking if I’m in love with you?’
The words being out there like that scares the hell out of me. ‘I guess I am, yeah.’
She glances at me, then away again. ‘You’re not like anyone else I’ve ever met.’
I try to dismiss that with a joke. ‘Honey, I’m a dime a dozen out here.’
‘No.’ Her tone is every bit as serious as mine is joking. ‘You’re not. You always do that, you know. You downplay your strengths, deflect a compliment. But you should know how special you are, Beau Donovan.’
More silence. It stretches between us. Then she faces me. ‘Yeah, I love you.’ She says it almost flippantly in the end, like she’s telling me she had eggs for breakfast or something.
My throat shifts as I swallow.
‘I’ve loved you my whole damn life.’
Guilt is like a knife in my side. ‘I didn’t know.’
‘Damn straight,’ she says with a proud nod. ‘I made sure of that. I didn’t want you to.’
‘But why?’
‘I didn’t want to spoil things.’
‘Christ, I did that, honey.’
She frowns. ‘How?’
‘By sleeping with you like it was just a bit of fun. A roll in the hay, or whatever.’
‘That’s what it was for you, and I loved you enough to take whatever you’d give me.’
I blanch. ‘That’s not what I thought we were doing.’
‘I know that.’ She jabs her shoulder into mine.
‘I didn’t want to hurt you.’
‘I know that too. You can’t help how I feel; hell, I can’t help how I feel. If I could, believe me, I would.’
‘Ash—I’m sorry. I didn’t?—’
‘Would you quit apologising?’
I clamp my lips together. All I can think of is Bailey, and how that loser Kirk hurt her, and how I’m doing the same—to Ash, and to Bailey.
‘I know you, Beau Donovan. I know what you’ve been through, what your life’s been like. I know you push people away who try to get close, and I never wanted that to be us.’
I stare straight ahead, acknowledging the truth of her words. If Ash had told me she loved me, I would have run a mile.
