“I’m not complaining. It’s what brought us together.” Kivi pursed her lips. “I can’t believe you weren’t there.”
“I’m sorry.” Saskia looked suitably regretful. “I… had many reasons. I was too busy whipping my life into shape to get here any sooner. And I didn’t want to be a distraction. I knew that if I turned uptooclose to the wedding, you wouldn’t be able to focus. Which was why I left it until just after. Literallyjustafter.”
Kivi still didn’t look convinced, but Saskia sensed that this was a topic to be revisited after the initial shock had worn off. Hopefully, long after.
“Anyway, Cass and Heather looked happy.” Saskia smiled at the memory of the two brides getting into a cab a couple of hoursago, both of them veritable puddles of gleeful mush. “They’ve got a long journey ahead of them.”
“Do you mean to New Zealand? Or in their marriage?” Kivi chuckled.
“Both,” Saskia laughed. “Although from what they’ve said, it sounds like they’ve had one hell of a journey already, just to get here. They didn’t spell it out, but they’ve been through the mill. Both of them.”
“I know.” Kivi looked pensive. “Been through shit that neither of them deserved.”
For a moment, they were silent, but then Saskia gave herself a mental poke. She hadn’t just invited Kivi out to talk about Cass and Felicia. There was something else she needed to say.
But now she was here, the words deserted her. Her pre-prepared speech died on her tongue.Come on, Saskia. You’re a writer, words are your forte. Come on. Just speak. Tell her. Or get the ring out. Just do SOMETHING!
Kivi didn’t seem to be in any hurry to break the silence. The wine arrived, and they sipped it, but still the silence continued. Saskia looked down at the ring on her finger, the one Kivi had presented to her when she’d left Cornwall back in July. To do that, not knowing what was going to happen back then, would have taken far more guts than what Saskia was planning to do now. And Saskia had courage in spades – it was what had gotten her this far in her career, and in her life. But there was a big difference between taking a fashion risk and… and…
The food arrived, and the silence between them was broken by their exclamations of delight. Perfectly seasoned, the risotto was consumed surprisingly easily, and Kivi’s fish melted in the mouth. The portions weren’t overly large – well, it was a Michelin-starred restaurant after all – and so they both agreedthat dessert was necessary afterwards. “And I don’t mean you,” Kivi added with a wink.
Saskia could scarcely believe the direction her life had taken over the last few years. LeavingChica,striking out on her own, seeking therapy, and now pinning her homophobia down in order to strike it out and find real happiness. She wasn’t religious in the slightest, but if she was, she’d have sent up a little prayer of gratitude.
By the time the flourless chocolate cake (Kivi’s) and Amalfi lemon tart (Saskia’s) arrived, they were chatting shyly about subjects of not much consequence. Saskia told Kivi about how pleasedBritish Livinghad been with her articles, and Kivi told her about Eva’s new Cavapoo puppy, Bruno. He was a foster for now, but Eva was rapidly falling in love, so he had the potential to turn into a ‘foster fail’…
“Speaking of love,” Saskia said before her brain could check her mouth, “have I ever told you how much I love you?”
Kivi looked surprised for a moment, swallowing her mouthful of dessert. “Not recently,” she all but whispered, and Saskia saw a flicker of vulnerability in her eyes. Instantly, she felt like the shittiest girlfriend earlier.
“Oh, God,” she said, and grabbed Kivi’s hand. “I know. I’m sorry. I’ve neglected you. I just… I needed some time to wrap my head around everything. And then my dad kicked off, and it set me right back… but I never meant to make you feel anything less than perfect. I love you. I love youso much. More than I ever thought possible.”Say it. Say it…
“It scared you, didn’t it?” Kivi’s eyes filled with tears. “How you suddenly ‘turned gay’. It unlocked a part of you that you didn’t know about. And you pride yourself on knowing everything, especially about yourself.”
“Yes,” Saskia said honestly. “You’ve got it spot on there. I didn’t know how to feel. I had so much internalised homophobia to break down, and the universe gave me the perfect way to do so. That just… didn’t make it easy.” She let out a shaky breath, and smiled. “Worth it, though.”
“Am I?” Kivi’s smile was tremulous.
“Always,” Saskia whispered, and Kivi gave a soft sob. Just one, because she covered her mouth with her hand, almost as if forcing her emotions back.
“I can’t cry,” she muttered. “Not here. Not where people might know me.”
“We’re half an hour away from Miltree,” Saskia protested mildly, but didn’t press the point. Kivi sat for a moment, now with her hands over her eyes, and Saskia let her compose herself.
On the way home, Saskia flicked the radio on low, but Kivi took over and hooked up her phone so that she could play her own music. Saskia didn’t recognise the artist she picked, but the sultry vocals toned down the atmosphere, taking the razor-edge off their emotions and softening the air between them.Can I do it in the car? Before she gets out at home? No, not very romantic.
Toto was at Eva’s, helping to socialise Bruno, so there was no wagging welcome wagon at the door. Instead, Kivi closed it and drew the blind, then turned on Saskia with fire in her eyes.
“My God, Saskia.” Her eyes raked up and down Saskia’s body now, in an undisguised expression of desire. “A world without you in that dress…” she swallowed, as if her mouth were watering, “…is not a world I want to be in.”
“Guess I’m keeping it on forever, then,” Saskia said. “Because I want you to be a part of my life forever.”
And there it was. The perfect segue. Kivi paused, as if absorbing what she’d said, and Saskia took the opportunity to reach into her clutch bag and pull out the little pouch she had been secreting. Then, out of the pouch, came the ring. Gold, with seven tiny stones set in a neat row, each one a different colour. The colours of the rainbow. She pinched it between her thumb and forefinger, then proffered it to Kivi, whose mouth opened and closed like a goldfish.
“Is that- Are you-?”
“Am I what?”
“Proposing?”
