“Toto can still see us from here,” she said. “I don’t have the energy to walk too far. He can exercise himself.”
She sighed, and for once Saskia could see the exhaustion on her face. She’d been working like a Trojan this week, trying to make sure she spent enough time with Saskia on top of gearing up for this weekend’s big family booking, but she hadn’t allowed the toll it was taking to show. Until now. Saskia put her arm around her and pulled her into a slightly awkward side-long hug. Comforting and showing affection didn’t come naturally to her.
“Anything I can do to help?” she asked, hoping her voice didn’t sound robotic.
Kivi shook her head. “Just… entertain me.”
“Challenge accepted.” Saskia wiggled her eyebrows flirtatiously, and Kivi chuckled.
“Notthat,” she said. “Not right now. I think sex on the beach is better as a drink than an act. Sand in sensitive places…”
“Shame,” Saskia said, but still kept her body pressed up against Kivi’s. She didn’t exactly have much choice, given the small space they seemed to have tucked themselves into. This was another difference between Kivi and the boyfriends – too close a proximity with them had made Saskia feel claustrophobic. With Kivi, it just felt right.
“We’ve come quite a way since we were last in this spot,” Kivi observed after a couple of minutes. It took a moment for Saskia to realise what she was talking about. She looked up at the rock upon which she’d been sitting when they first met, and sighed.
“Yes. I’m not really sure what possessed me to get up there in the first place.”
“Would you… what… what was the motivation for you getting up there in the first place? Would you…” Kivi swallowed, “…have jumped?”
“I don’t think so,” Saskia said. “Not in the least because I used to do gymnastics. I’d have probably landed on my feet, so it wouldn’t have done anything. I don’t know… I saw it, and I was so deep in my own thoughts, it just felt like the right place to be.”
“Unhappy thoughts, I presume, given how you reacted when we approached you.”
“No shit, Sherlock,” Saskia said, but without much bite. “I was just on a real downer about myself. My mum’s engagement party was the night before, and seeing her so happy made me realise how close I came to fucking everything up for her and Gilly.”
“With your… world views?”
“With my homophobia. Call it what it was, Kivi. My mum was prepared never to see the love of her life again, just to maintain her relationship with me.”
“That’s what comes of being a mother,” Kivi said.
“I suppose. Doesn’t stop me feeling guilty, though.”
“And now you’re in a relationship with me, do you feel any different?”
“I feel trepidation. About telling her, and Leo. I wouldn’t blame them for being fucking pissed. Because it’s absolutely classic, isn’t it?‘Reformed raging homophobe turns out to be closeted gay.’It’s a trope. A stereotype. More befitting a book than real life.”
“Is there any chance of Leo already knowing? Twin telepathy, that sort of thing? You do hear about it.”
“No.” Saskia actually laughed. “We’ve never had any sort of psychic connection. I don’t believe in it, no matter what you read. I know we shared a womb, but we don’t feel any magical comfort from being next to each other, or know when the other is hurting, or anything like that. I think we’re just too independent and too different.”
“Eva’s always been more like a mother to me,” Kivi said. “She’s seven years older. And a very maternal person. It’s just a shame that she… she can’t have kids.”
“She can’t?”
“Nope. Don’t tell her I told you – but if you’re going to stick around, you need to know. It ended her marriage recently, when her husband decided he wanted kids more than he wanted her. Two years of relentless IVF got them nowhere, and he refused to even entertain adoption…”
“Poor soul,” Saskia murmured.
“That’s why she’s been working so much over the last few months. Distraction. I think she was happier than ever when I decided to take on Cass and Felicia’s wedding, because it meant more for her to do. And happier still when we got this bigbooking. You do realise that you’re going to be sitting in a throng of people for the next few nights at dinner? All of whom know each other and are related?”
“Can’t wait,” Saskia said dryly. “I think I’ll just mind my own business in my little corner and observe their interactions. Like any good journalist.”
“We’d better get back, anyway,” Kivi said, and Saskia shifted so they could both get to their feet. “Otherwise Eva will think-” She was interrupted by the ringing of her phone. “Speak of the devil.”
While she took the call, Saskia stepped out from behind the rock and called for Toto. He looked over at her, as if wondering whether to answer to somebody who wasn’t his owner, but eventually took pity on her and lolloped over. She made a fuss of him, wrestling with him for the stick he had firmly clenched in his jaw, and soon she was laughing as he nimbly darted out of reach and waved his stick in the air as if taunting her. Kivi was still talking on the phone, so she was mindful not to make much noise with him. In fact, she was pacing. Rubbing her eyes with her free hand, almost hunched over in posture, and generally exhibiting all the signs of a stressed woman.
Saskia went over, but just as she was about to put her hand on Kivi’s back, Kivi barked, “Okay! Fine. We’ll be back in a bit.” She pocketed her phone and turned around, eyebrows shooting up when she saw Saskia standing there.
