“Oh. No, you go first,” they both said together.
“No, no, you go,” Saskia said.
“No, what were you saying?” Kivi said.
They both stared at each other for a second, then cracked up. Kivi couldn’t help it – a tremendous whooping laugh burst out of her before she could stop it, probably from the leftover adrenaline of her embarrassment as much as from humour. Saskia wasn’t quite as loud, but she did join in with soft chuckles – they made her entire face change, the corners of her eyes crinkling and lines forming between her nose and the corners of her mouth.I want to see her grow old. I want to see those lines deepen and her body age and-
“Look at the pair of us,” Saskia chuckled, wrenching Kivi’s thoughts back to the present. Saskia was visibly pulling herself together, dabbing at the far corners of her eyes with the pad of a finger, and taking a couple of settling breaths.Take a leaf out of her book, Kiera. Pull yourself together.
“What a pair we make,” Kivi said light-heartedly, although her heart wasn’t exactly in it. It was still skipping beats at the thoughts that had just raced through her mind.
“Anyway, I was asking about the celebrant,” Saskia said. “For the wedding. Do we have one yet?”
“Anyone who overheard that out of context would probably think you and I were getting hitched,” Kivi teased. Saskia’s face blanched – clearly she was running back over what she’d said in her head – but Kivi decided to take pity on her. “And yes. I sent some emails off yesterday, and so far I’ve had one response. I’m going to set up a meeting between her, Cass and Felicia, so that they can get to know each other.”
“Sounds good,” Saskia said. “And what were you going to say?”
Kivi screwed up her face for a second until she remembered. “Oh yes. I was just asking how your day was.”
“Oh. Uneventful. Had a headache before dinner, but it’s gone now.”
“The power of chicken Caesar,” Kivi commented dryly. “And you’ve been eating all right, I take it?”
She knew it sounded an odd thing to say, but the alcohol must have affected her filter. In the back of her mind, she still had a gut feeling that something was – or once had been – amiss with Saskia when it came to eating.
“Yes,” Saskia said stiffly. Kivi’s stomach clenched at the sudden change in tone. “Why do you ask?”
Kivi opened her mouth, but then Saskia cut her off. “Actually, don’t answer that. I don’t want to know. I just… no, forget it.”
“Saskia,” Kivi sighed, fearing that she’d lost the woman again just as they were getting back onto solid ground. Saskia glared at her, with such ferocity that it nearly took Kivi’s breath away. But there was something else under there – fear? Apprehension? Whatever it was, it confirmed Kivi’s suspicions.
“I said forget it,” Saskia said through gritted teeth, but didn’t move away when Kivi leaned forward and put a hand on her arm.
“I just… that time you collapsed. I’d noticed that you hadn’t been eating properly. And then I watched as you started starving yourself, and I thought-”
“Starving myself,” Saskia scoffed. “As if.”
“It’s nothing to be ashamed of, you know. Anorexia. If that’s what you have. It’s more common than you’d think – loads of famous people seem to have it – and-”
“I am notanorexic,” Saskia growled, with such conviction that Kivi actually believed her. She opened and closed her mouth for a second while her brain scoured for a different avenue of conversation. Preferably something that would make Saskia forget this one had ever happened. Sadly, her brain came up dry.
“But you weren’t eating properly,” she said numbly. “I could tell. You were skipping meals, and only eating half-”
“That doesn’t make meanorexic,” Saskia said through gritted teeth.
“Okay, yes, fine, but it does point towards an… an eating disorder. Of sorts. You… you never considered that before?”
Saskia’s eyes fixed on Kivi’s. Her face had turned to stone, the laughter lines deepening now as her expression hardenedinto something that Kivi could only describe as a death glare. It made a surge of panic flood through Kivi’s body, right down to the farthest reaches of her fingertips, adrenaline crackling like electricity and-
“All right!” Saskia barked. Kivi nearly shot out of her seat. “All right. I used to make myself vomit, okay?”
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Saskia
Well, there were probably more tactful ways of putting it.
But Kivi had been less than tactful herself, so she really quite deserved the metaphorical slap across the face.
