Chapter One
Derbyshire, May 2023
Saskia
If her face was to hurt from smiling, she’d have preferred the smile to be genuine.
She had every reason to smile, after all. Her mother had finally found true love. Eight years after divorcing her father, four of which she had spent a defiantly single workaholic, and now Lydia was engaged. Not to a man, but to a woman. Gillian, her first love and the flame she’d kept lit for the thirty years after they’d split up. Saskia should have been happy for her mother. Delighted, even.
And she was. She really was. She knew that Lydia and Gilly had met barrier after barrier over the years, and now Lydia had finally gotten down on one knee to secure their future forever. But Saskia was plagued with guilt, becauseshehad been one of the barriers to her mother’s relationship. The knowledge that she could have ruined her mother’s chance at everlasting joy would be forever etched onto her brain. And tonight – their engagement party, at their new shiny house, with their new shiny friends – was the ultimate reminder.
“Oh there you are, Saskia!”
Her mother approached her now, sliding the bifold doors shut behind her to seal out the noise of the party inside. With a champagne glass in her hand and a ‘bride-to-be’ sash over her body, she looked radiant. Her tan was made ever deeper by the turquoise of her mini-dress and the white of her painted nails, while the sparkle of her engagement ring added an element of dignity to the glamorous ensemble.There you go again, analysing people’s fashion choices. How many times do you have to tell yourself that you don’t work in fashion any-
“Are you all right, darling?”
The ring-clad hand fell to the small of her back, and she was pulled in for a hug. The sherbety scent of her mum’s signature perfume tickled her nostrils, and she prayed she wouldn’t sneeze. She’d always been allergic to her mother’s perfume, and had long since attributed it to the distance between them over the years.
“I’m good thanks, Mum.”
That was a lie. She felt oddly detached, the party going on inside without her while she stood in the back garden with a cigarette. It wasn’t lit – she didn’t really smoke at all any more – but it gave the impression that she had come out there with a purpose, rather than to simply escape the crowd and the music. Perhaps her mum sensed this, for she was eyeing the cigarette sceptically, and then that gaze moved to her daughter’s face.
“Have you seen Leo? He went off with Gilly somewhere, and I thought they came out here.”
“Not unless they’re rolling around in a bush somewhere, doing the do.” Saskia’s mouth twitched at the imagery. It was no secret that her twin brother had taken to Gillian far better than she had. In fact, the two got on so well that she’d once madea sardonic remark thattheywould end up getting hitched and riding off into the sunset together. It had become an inside joke.
Her mother’s reaction was a testament to how Gilly had mellowed her. Where once she’d have flown off the handle and chewed Saskia out for disrespecting them both like that, now she simply laughed indulgently.“I thought Leo had a strongmalepreference when it came to his bisexuality.”
Saskia fought down the hitch in her stomach.Whenwould it get easier to fight off the knee-jerk revulsion that came when the topic of the LGBT community was raised? She had worked so hard to change, to be accepting, to be an ally, and yet the subject was still sore.
“Well, it’s no secret that you find Gilly attractive,” Saskia said, forcing herself to inject a jokiness into her tone. “Perhaps Leo’s the same. Perhaps all this alcohol has lowered his inhibitions, and he simply found her too irresistible, and…”
“Okay, stop right there.” Her mum put a hand over her mouth, but she was laughing again. “I thinkyou’vehad too much alcohol. Any potential action on the cards for you? There’s a handful of handsome single men here tonight…” Her voice trailed off as she looked into the distance, and Saskia followed her gaze. Gilly and Leo were coming out of the outbuilding that now doubled as her brother’s tiny hair salon. They both looked ebullient, the same way her mother did, and they made a beeline for her mum.
“Lyds!” Gilly slipped an arm around Lydia’s waist, and waved her other hand at Saskia. “Leo was just showing me the ideas he’s put together for our hair, for the wedding. He’s got them all on his tablet, and myGod,you’re going to look gorgeous…” She stopped as she clocked Saskia’s face. She’d always been good at reading Saskia’s emotions. “What’s up, Saltmarshe Twin A?”It was her nickname for Saskia, upon learning how she and her brother had been labelled on her mother’s ultrasound scans.
“Up? Nothing’s up, except… well, time. Time’s up.” She checked her watch, surprised to find that fifteen minutes had passed since she’d stepped out here. “I’d better be going soon. Hadn’t you two better go back inside? They can’t have the brides-to-be disappearing from their own engagement party!”
“Shame,” Lydia said, and pulled Gilly close.“Because you look pretty fucking irresistible in that dress,”she heard her mutter under her breath.
“Lyds!” Now Gilly was swatting at Lydia playfully, with mock-admonishment. “Not in front of your children!”
“They’ll live,” Lydia said, and took her fiancée’s hand. “But Saskia’s right. Come on, let’s go in. Back into the melee.”
“No melee yet,” Gilly said as they started walking back towards the house. “But given enough caipiroskas…”
That left Saskia and Leo, and they shared a smile. It was a smile that said many things, from ‘I-can’t-believe-this-is-happening’ to ‘thank-God-this-is-happening’.
“What’s on your mind, Ginge?” Leo said, coming to stand with his back against the wall next to her.
“Don’t ‘Ginge’ me, blondie,” she replied. “Bold nickname, considering your hair is naturally just as orange as mine.”
“The wonders of bleach and hair dye,” he shrugged, then sighed. “You can’t deny how happy she is. When you think of how she was when we were kids.”
“I’m not denying that,” Saskia said. “When have I ever denied that recently? It’s just…”
She trailed off, and her gaze slid off into the distance. If there was one person she should have been able to trust with her innermost thoughts, it was Leo. They’d shared a womb and been like two peas in a pod at uni, but the bits in between – their childhood, and post-graduation – had been rocky. Particularly in the last few years, when she’d initially been opposed to Lydia and Gilly’s relationship and he’d been in favour. It had nearly broken them – all of them – and although she’d apologised a million times, she got the impression that Leo still held a little resentment on their mother’s behalf.
