“I do. I do understand. I just…” My chest tightens like something’s wrapping around my heart and my voice quavers. “I feel like I’m falling apart. Learning all this stuff about my father is destroying everything I thought I knew about him. I just… seeing Moira was like this sudden chance that I could reclaim something. Yeah, she lied to me and I’m pissed, but she’s all I have. All my friends from the plane died, my mom’s in a coma, my dad is dead. I saw my best friend and I just…” My hands tremble, so I clutch them together in my lap. “You’re right. I wasn’t thinking clearly.”
Ruslan sighs suddenly, a deep sound like he’s been holding his breath ever since I left the tailor shop. “I want to keep you alive, Ivy. But you have to work with me.”
“Careful.” I snort. “You might make me think you care.”
Anger bleeds out of eyes within a couple of blinks. “Of course I care.”
I roll my eyes and glance out the window. “Sure.”
“Ivy… you think I don’t care?”
“Why would you? You have your work, right? The only reason I’m alive is because of your super-secret group’s efforts to keep everything peaceful. I’m the key to some disaster between two families and that’s it.”
I don’t dare look at him. I don’t want to see the truth on his face.
And part of me doesn’t want to look in case I see what I want to see on his face, a glimmer that he likes me for more than a quick fuck. If I saw that, I’d have no idea what to do with it, just like I don’t know what to do with the excitement that patters in my heart each time I’m close to him.
Valentina told me to be careful because he’s dangerous. Sex is sex and he’s made that clear. There’s nothing to suggest there are feelings involved, but he speaks like he was genuinely worried about me, and I can’t hear that.
It’ll make me think I have a chance.
“Ivy.” Ruslan’s voice is level now, back to the deep, almost calm timbre from before. “Of course I care. Do you think I’d tear down city blocks looking for anyone? That I’d give anyone else this much freedom? The rules and protocols I’ve broken for you are…” He whistles softly. “I care.”
“Why?” I whip my head around, glaring at him. “What is there to care about?”
“If feelings had a clear reason, we’d be living in an emotionally healthy world and we’re not, are we? I don’t want to see you hurt. I want to help you and I care about you. Why do I need some explicit reason?”
I hate how right he is because if I tried to explain to anyone why I care about the man who drugged me and kidnapped me from the hospital, then locked me up, most people would think I’m insane.
Maybe I am.
I puff out my cheeks, holding my breath and listening to the frantic pounding of my heart as it begins to slow. “I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking clearly and I just left.”
Ruslan nods once. “Sorry I yelled.”
I shrug, settling back into the seat as the car weaves through the city like a droplet running down a window pane. “It was kind of hot, if I’m honest.”
“My yelling?”
“No, that was scary. But the way you grabbed me?” I shake my head. “Anyway, I’m sorry I wasn’t thinking. Not really a good excuse, considering everything.”
“We’re imperfect people,” Ruslan murmurs.
“Sure. I’ll make it up to you, I promise.”
“How?”
I glance across at him and as soon as our eyes lock, I’m held in place. “How?”
“How will you make it up to me?”
“I…” I was about to say something like being more aware of my surroundings or listening more clearly, but the way his eyelids dip slightly makes me think he’s insinuating something else. “What would be suitable?”
Ruslan’s head tilts to the side. “You need to learn to trust me.”
“Do you trust me?”Ruslan hovers over me with a slight smirk gracing his lips.
My heart pounds.
