Connor came in with takeout from the barbecue place. Sierra waited until they had both eaten a little bit before she started the conversation.
“Connor, I’ve been thinking and I’ve changed my mind.”
“Changed your mind about what?” He took a bite of his sliced brisket sandwich and forked coleslaw into his mouth.
“I think we should move in together.” She’d been thinking about it nonstop since the accident. Well, when she wasn’t asleep but even then she had restless dreams. But she decided it was time to face her fears and conquer them. Connor wasn’t Phil. If she spent her life afraid of being hurt, she’d never experience anything good either. And she didn’t believe that Connor would treat her like Phil had.
But Connor didn’t respond the way she’d thought he would. He finished chewing, set down his fork, and stared at her with a blank face. What in the world was he thinking?
“I don’t.”
“What? You don’t what?”
“I don’t think we should move in together.”
“I thought that’s what you wanted?”
“Why do you want to?”
“I’ve been thinking about it, and I decided you’re right. We’re together all the time. We should live together.” Damn it, why didn’t she just say because she loved him? What was wrong with her that she couldn’t tell him how she really felt?
“When did you start thinking about it?”
“What does that matter?”
“Answer the question.”
She hesitated but admitted, “After the accident.”
“That’s what I thought. Because you’re suddenly feeling your mortality.” She stared at him. “I find it a little too coincidental that only a week or so after your accident you’ve changed your mind about moving in together.”
“What difference does that make? Yes, getting in the wreck has made me think about things differently.”
“The wreck scared you.”
“Yes. But that’s natural.”
“I don’t want you to do it because you’re scared. I want you to want to be together as much as I do. Because you love me, and you don’t want to be apart any more than we have to. But the problem with that is you’d need to love me in order for that to happen and I don’t think you do.”
“You know I care about you.” She did love him. Why couldn’t she say it?
“I know. But it’s not the same thing as being in love. I know because I am and ‘I care about you’ doesn’t even touch how I feel about you.”
“So you’re saying you don’t want to move in together.”
“Not until you’re really sure that’s what you want. You’re still gun-shy because of Phil. You might want to believe I’m not like him, but I think you’re still afraid to trust me. So until you’ve sorted out that shit, moving in together would be a disaster.”
“So you want to break up?”
“No. But I think we should leave things the way they are.”
“For how long?”
“However long it takes.”
She glared at him. “Fine. Since we’re not moving in together, you can go back to your place. I’m perfectly fine on my own.”
“Can I finish my dinner first?”
