Chapter Twenty-One
She was anidiot. How had she expected that conversation to go? She’d been mad going in, frustrated that Connor wasn’t listening to her. But she hadn’t wanted to break up, even though she acknowledged that she had no right to expect Connor to hang around waiting for her to ‘take some time’ to make up her mind about what she wanted.
She wanted Connor. But because of her past, she wasn’t sure she could ever let go enough to love him like he deserved. Was she always going to be ruled by fear?
There would be plenty of women waiting to console him. The minute it got around the hospital that they’d broken up, it would also get around Marietta and then the single women would be on him like a duck on a June bug. And she’d have no one to blame but herself.
She wanted to hang on to her anger. For heaven’s sake, she had told him she wasn’t ready to get serious. But then as time went on it just…happened. Connor fell in love with her and told her while she, damn it, she fell in love with him too. But she hadn’t told him because she was too scared to commit. Too scared that their relationship might turn sour, like her relationship with Phil had.
Connor hadn’t done anything wrong. He’d been jealous but could she honestly blame him for that? No. He hadn’t tried to give her an ultimatum. He’d waited—impatiently, it was true—for her to tell Phil they were over. Then once she did she’d put him—put the two of them on hold. Which wasn’t fair to Connor and he’d gotten angry. She couldn’t blame him for getting angry, either. Even so, she still needed time to think. Time away from Connor because when she was with him she wanted him too much to be logical about the issues. Her issues.
*
Connor and Sierrahad broken up two weeks ago today. He hadn’t seen her at all. He couldn’t decide if that was good or bad. He missed her. But if she didn’t want him then there was no point in trying to hang on to her. He should never have admitted he loved her, and he sure as shit shouldn’t have asked her to move in with him. Too late now.
He wasn’t working until later that day so he went to the Java Café for coffee. The glass door closed behind him and he strode to the counter to order a black coffee and a cheese Danish. The barista smiled at him with a sympathetic look before getting his order.
Taking his coffee and Danish with him, he found an out-of-the-way table and sat. He knew word had gotten out about the breakup because he’d already turned down seven women who wanted to help him get over his heartache. They were nice women. In the past he’d have gone out with them. All of them. But he couldn’t dredge up the enthusiasm. It wouldn’t be fair to go out with another woman when the only person he could think about was Sierra.
“Is this seat taken?”
For a moment he was back in Vegas, wondering how he’d gotten so lucky. Then he realized it wasn’t Sierra. He looked up to see an old friend of his smiling at him. He stood, saying, “Holly, I haven’t seen you since you got married.” Although they’d been together for a couple of years, Holly and her husband Paul had only married a few months before.
She hugged him and they both sat. “I know. I’ve been busy with the ranch. Paul and I have started a new business.”
“Oh, yeah? What’s that?”
She looked mischievous. “We’re raising pygmy goats.”
That threw him for a moment. “No kidding? For fun or profit?”
“We started out raising them for fun but now we sell them as pets.”
“Really? I never thought of a pet goat but I’ve seen some pretty funny videos of them on the internet. You sell a lot of them?”
“Surprisingly, we do. They’re a lot of fun. They make great pets. Plus they’re adorable.”
“Paul’s good with this?” Paul, a big, burly rancher, seemed like the last person to go in for pygmy goats but he suspected Holly could talk him into anything.
“He loves them. You should see him with them. It’s the cutest thing. Shocked me too.”
They chatted a bit more and then Holly laid a hand over his. “What’s wrong, Connor? I heard you’d fallen in love but you sure don’t look happy if you are.”
No reason not to tell her. “We broke up.”
“Oh, I’m sorry. Want to talk about it?”
He shrugged. “Not really.” But then he started talking. He and Holly went way back, having gone to school together as kids. They’d never been romantically involved. They’d tried—just once—in high school and kissed to see if there could be more between them than friendship. They both wound up laughing and agreeing that they were much better as friends. Connor had always valued that friendship as Holly was one of the only women who knew the real Connor. Until Sierra, that is.
He told her the whole story and when he finished she shook her head. “Oh, Connor, you must really love her.”
“I do, but why do you say that?”
She smiled sympathetically and patted his hand. “Because you totally screwed up. Tell the truth. Would you have reacted the way you did with any other woman?”
He shrugged in answer.
“Jealousy, asking her to move in with you, telling her you loved her. I’ll bet my favorite goat that you’ve never said or felt any of that before.”
