Nothing. Except her heart was breaking and it was her own damn fault.
At least she’d gotten her key back from her sister. Jedidiah had confronted Damaris again, threatening to turn Damaris’s cottage upside down if she didn’t return the thing. She opened her door and Damaris nearly fell in. “Why the hell haven’t you answered your phone?”
“I didn’t want to talk to anyone.” She turned her back and walked away.
“What happened? I thought you were working for Trevor for two weeks. The two weeks aren’t up.”
Jedidiah walked into the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of water. “Want one?”
“Sure.” She caught it when Jedidiah tossed it to her, twisted off the top and took a drink. “Now. What is going on? Why did you quit early? I was hoping you’d get some sense into that thick head of yours and get back together with Trevor.”
Jedidiah leaned back against the kitchen counter and drank her water. “We had sex. Amazing, soul-stirring sex.”
“That sounds promising. So what are you doing moping around here?”
“I haven’t seen him since. It was goodbye sex. After that I couldn’t stay.”
Damaris put her hands on her hips and stared at her. “You’ve got to be kidding me.”
“Dead serious.”
“That’s one of the dumbest things I’ve ever heard.”
“I’m too tired and too depressed to fight with you. Just go, Damaris.”
“Why are you doing this to yourself, Jedidiah? Are you punishing yourself because Noah died and you didn’t?”
“No.” That wasn’t it at all. Or…was it? “I came back to Whiskey River because I wanted—no, I needed—safety. I didn’t want to fall in love again.”
“But you did. With Trevor.”
Jedidiah nodded miserably. “I wanted something light, something casual. Something that wouldn’t hurt when it ended.”
“You blew that one.”
“I know.”
“Have you considered that a large part of the reason you fell in love with Trevor is because heisthe type of person he is? Do you really think you could fall for a man who sits around and lets others take all the risks? You don’t have to be a cop, a firefighter, a first responder, or in the military to be the type of person who is willing to put his life on the line for others.”
“I know that. But you also don’t have to go looking for trouble.”
“From everything you’ve told me that isn’t what Trevor is doing. Is it just Bikers For Kids? Would you really want him to quit something that’s so worthwhile? Something that’s obviously very important to him?”
“Yes. No. I don’t know what I want. I don’t want to lose him.”
“But you did lose him. What do you call breaking up with him?”
“At least he didn’t die. That’s what I couldn’t take.”
“You of all people know there are no guarantees in life. Nate could have died in that car wreck he had. Should he never drive a car?”
“Don’t be absurd. It’s not the same thing.”
“No, it’s not. There’s a huge difference between what Trevor does with BFK and what you and Noah did. You infiltrated a drug-running gang. That’s so far out of the same league it’s ridiculous.”
“I can’t help the way I feel.”
“No, but you can stop being irrational about it.” Damaris walked over to her and hugged her. “Life is a risk. I could get shot in a drive-by shooting. Probably not in Whiskey River or Last Stand but in Austin or San Antonio? Sure, that could happen. But you can’t live your life afraid of everything thatmighthappen. You might as well crawl in a hole and never come out.”
