“Don’t ever apologize for your feelings. Did you ever talk to anyone? A psychiatrist? A counselor?”
“Sure. They made me. It helped. A little. But what it comes down to is it’s a dangerous profession. Noah knew it. He accepted the risks. So did I. Until I didn’t.
“But Noah…he loved it. Lived for it. The excitement, the subterfuge, the danger. He was an adrenaline junkie. I guess I was too. And he stayed that way until the end. He…made sure I was okay. We talked about it. What we had to do if our cover got blown. Unless it was both of us the one who hadn’t been outed had to ‘betray’ the other. Thank God it didn’t come to that. I couldn’t have done it. I think Noah knew that. So when he suspected his cover was blown, or as good as, he got rid of me. He sent me away, on his bike, which left him with no way out.”
“I can’t imagine how hard that was for you.”
“I fought him about it. I thought we could get out together. He said there was no way. We had a huge fight. Some gang members heard it. Noah made sure of that. They didn’t know what we were fighting about but I don’t think they were shocked when I took off on Noah’s bike. I’m sure he played up his anger at me. I was still shocked that no one came after me. I contacted my boss as soon as I could but by the time we got back there, it was too late. Noah was gone. Executed.”
God, what a story. Almost unbelievable. But he did believe it. It explained so much about Jedidiah. Suddenly her initial distrust of BFK was totally understandable. As was her fear and anger when she learned he and Justin went after the shooter.
But he couldn’t remain passive in a risky situation. Especially not when he knew he could do something to help. It wasn’t in his personality to retreat in the face of a threat. A threat to people he was bound to protect. Ricky was one of those people. And if Jedidiah couldn’t deal with that then there wasn’t much hope for them.
“Did you continue working undercover?”
“No. I took a leave of absence for a few months and when I returned I took a desk job. After a while even that was too much. So I quit and came back to Whiskey River.”
“Because you thought it would be safe here.”
She lifted a shoulder. “Yes. I didn’t realize I was going to fall for another hero.”
“I’m not a hero. I’m a regular guy who saw an opportunity to stop a criminal. I won’t apologize for that. I understand why the situation scared you but—”
“But you’d do it again if necessary.”
“Yes. Jedidiah, nothing is ever completely safe. You know that. You take a risk every time you get in a car. Or on a plane. Or ride a horse. Or even cross a street.”
“It’s not the same thing as deliberately choosing to risk yourself with an armed criminal. It wasn’t your job. You’re not a cop.”
“Would you really have been happier if I’d done nothing? If we’d let the bastard get away and the cops hadn’t been able to find him? He tried to kill Ricky. He did shoot two other people. I was supposed to let him go when I knew Justin and I could stop him?”
She put her hands on either side of her head. “I don’t know!” She dropped her hands and stared at him. “I don’t want you to die. I love you, damn it.”
Not the way he’d have chosen to hear that for the first time. But at least she’d admitted it. “I love you too.”
“But it doesn’t matter. Don’t you see? I can’t be with another hero.”
“I’ve told you, I’m no hero.”
“You and Justin went after an armed criminal. You didn’t wait for the cops, you didn’t try to stay safe, you ran into danger. What would you call that if not a hero?”
“I call it doing the right thing.”
“Even if it kills you?”
What else could he do but answer truthfully? “Even then.”
*
“You’re overreacting, Jedidiah.I understand why you are but you have to know what happened to Noah was the exception. I’m not an undercover agent. Neither are you anymore. I’m just a man who’s in love with you and wants to be with you.”
He cupped her cheek. Gazed into her eyes. She gazed back into his blue eyes. True blue, full of sincerity…and love. Oh, God, what was she supposed to do?
“Stop thinking so hard,” he said, his voice a deep rumble. He covered her mouth with his and she was lost. Their tongues met, twined, separated, and went back for more. She groaned and put her arms around his neck, melted into him when he crushed her against him. The kiss deepened, turned desperate.
She wanted him. So much. Needed him. Now. She didn’t want to think, didn’t want to worry, didn’t want to do anything but make love with him. His hands streaked over her. He pushed up her T-shirt, yanked it off over her head. Then he ripped off his own shirt while she got rid of her bra. His hands were on her bare skin, warm and knowing, plumping up her breasts, rolling her nipples between his fingers. She wrapped one leg around him and pulled him closer.
“I want you, Trevor.”
