‘What sort of drugs?’
He shrugged. ‘Heroin. Pills. And drink. And a bit ofpetty crime. Everything, basically. And in quite a big way. I was a mess, really. It was all a mess. People dying and that. And then, you know that scene inTrainspotting,when his mum and dad lock him up in his room. Well, my mum did that to me. And while I was locked up, going through hell, I got this idea in my head. It was after watching something on the news about Tokyo, I can’t remember what it was about. But I just remember thinking how clean it looked. How clean all the people looked. It looked so hygienic, like a huge hospital or something. And that became my obsession. I started reading up all about the culture and history and everything. Spent every day at the library. Everything about the place struck me as being the complete opposite of my life in London. And then my mum – God bless her soul – she was my saviour. She was doing all this overtime, telling me it was for a holiday for herself, and then one day she came home with a present for me – a one-way ticket to Tokyo. So I went.’
‘Really. And what was it like?’
‘Fucking nightmare.’
‘You’re joking.’
‘Yeah. At first. The one thing I hadn’t found out about the place before I went was howexpensiveit is. A flat like mine, you know, piddling little shoebox, ten miles from the centre, was like about £250 a week. So I had to get a job, pretty sharpish, and the only thing I could find was door-work. You know, working as a bouncer, which wasn’t exactly what I’d had in mind. Those Japanese businessmen – Jesus, can they drink. And they got so drunk. Made us lot look like teetotallers. Picking fights. Puking up. Falling over. But still – it was clean – and therewere no drugs to speak of. And the women were – God, you know, just beautiful …’
‘Oh,’ said Ana, immediately putting Flint into the same category of old and ugly men who went out to Thailand and the Philippines to buy young, beautiful wives, and feeling vaguely and inexplicably disappointed in him.
‘To look at, obviously. I didn’t touch. Not at all. They’re so vulnerable, those women. And so small. You felt like you’d break them. And anyway – I like a woman with a bit more – oomph.’
Ana smiled.
‘So I took a course and started teaching English during the day and doing the door-work in the evenings.’
‘What else did you do?’
‘Ate sushi. Drank green tea. Went to the gym. Learned Kendo.’
‘Oh yes? How far did you get?’
‘Black belt.’
‘No!’
‘Uh-huh. It’s the fittest I’ve ever been. I was in amazing shape, and it was like the smack and the booze had been washed out of my system months before, in my bedroom in London, but being in Tokyo cleansed my soul. Shit – that sounds really wanky, doesn’t it?’
Ana shook her head. ‘No it doesn’t. Not at all.’
He looked pleased that he hadn’t sounded wanky. ‘So – after ten months I decided to leave. It was such a weird place, Tokyo – they’re all bloody mad over there. And I was missing home, missing my mum, missing London. Missing thedirt, actually. Ironically. But I’ve found that when you’re clean inside, the dirt outside is just sort of … comforting. Do you know what I mean?’
‘I’m not sure that I do, actually.’
‘No. I don’t suppose you would.’
‘So what did you do when you got home?’
‘Well, I’d really enjoyed the teaching and I thought about doing that again, English, to foreign students. But I didn’t have the right qualifications over here. So I got a job with this limousine company. As a driver.’
‘Why that job?’
‘I dunno, really. I’ve never thought about it, particularly. It just seemed like a nice job. You know – the isolation, the nice motor, the smart uniform. I felt like I was damaged goods, and it just seemed to fit me, as a job. It seemed to be the right sort of job for a reformed character. It made me feel like Robert de Niro actually,’ he grinned, ‘especially when I was driving around at night, through the city. It can be a very romantic job sometimes, you know.
‘Bee used to say it was the best feeling in the whole world, being driven around the streets of London in the back of my car, music playing, not having to speak, not having to do anything. Just sitting there watching the world go by, thinking her own thoughts. She used to say that London always seemed like a film when she was in my car, like a beautiful dream, and all the people on the streets looked like actors – it was like having a layer of insulation between her idea of what lifeshouldfeel like and what it actually felt like. There were never any disappointments in the back of my car, that’s what she always used to say …’
He fell silent for a moment and fiddled with a beer mat.
‘D’you miss her?’
‘Every second of every day.’ His voice stayed steady but Ana noticed a film of tears spring to his eyes. He cleared his throat and took an abrupt sip of his lager.
‘Tell me about when you first met her. Tell me what she was like.’
Flint craned his neck again to view the clock in the bar. ‘How are we doing on that half-hour?’ he said jokingly.
