The truth hits me square in the chest, beneath where his hands are. Right in my fucking heart.
He’s right. Idon’twant to be friends.
Not anymore.
“What I mean is…” I close my eyes as the truth forces its way out of my throat. “I think Ilikeyou.” I let out a heavy breath.
Hudson’s fists flex against my chest, and for a moment all that can be heard is our heavy breaths and my rapid heartbeat.
I feel the ache in his body as his shoulders tense, as his fists twist in my shirt.
“Oh.” He opens his fist, and I look down at him.
“As… more.” My voice is barely a whisper, the words heavy in the air between us.
I don’t know how long we stand there, his hands on my chest, my hands on his hips.
Can he feel how fast my heart is beating? Does he understand that it’s because ofhim?
Hudson swallows, his fingers flexing as he opens his fists, his palms sliding down my chest slowly. I pull him closer until he’s pressed against me. Until my hands on his hips find their home around his back. I nod, leaning down just an inch. I find his gaze; his amber eyes searching mine for something I can’t quite explain. He stares at me, his hands slipping down to my hips. He doesn’t say anything. Just looks at me like he’s seeing me for the first time.
Like I’m someone he knows, but doesn’t.
One hand travels up my chest until he finds my neck. His fingers curl around the back, his thumb resting right over my throbbing vein.
“More?” he asks, his voice low. “Than a… friend?”
“Yes.” The word comes without hesitation. The truth hangs in the air between us, settling in me for the first time.
There are a lot of things I don’t know. I don’t know how to be with a guy, for one. In so many ways, I’m out of my league here.
“I likeyou,” I say. “You’re smart and funny, and hot as hell, and…” The words rush out of me like a flood. “I think I’ve liked you for a while, actually. So if I’ve been looking at you any type of way, that’s why. It has nothing to do with…” I swallow. “The autism.” I let out a sigh. “I don’t knowhowto do this with a guy, and it’s a little scary, but I—”
The words die in my throat as Hudson kisses me so hard it rocks my entire body, and I stumble backward and nearly fall over, but I right myself.
I don’t let go. I can’t.
I wrap my arms tighter around him. His cologne fills my lungs, and his warmth blankets me as I open my mouth for him without hesitation.
When he breaks away, I look down at him, and the words take on a life of their own.
“I think I want to like… be with you.”
Hudson’s grip on my neck tightens, and I can’t help myself. I lean down and kiss him softly. Needing him to understand what I can barely articulate.
“I don’t know how to do this either,” he says carefully. His head falls against my chest as he sucks in a deep breath. I keep my arms tight around him, relishing in the feel of his body against mine. His warmth, his scent. Him.
It feels good, and I don’t want to let go, so I don’t.
“But I want to,” he adds.
Relief floods me as silence builds between us, but it isn’t uncomfortable.
We just stand there, in his bedroom, arms wrapped around each other, and I think about howgoodit feels. To be here. With him. To feel him like this—in my arms.
“Maybe we just do what feels good.” I rub my hands up and down his back as his fingers toy with the hair at the nape of my neck. “Whatever works for us, and that’s it. If something doesn’t feel right, we don’t do it.”
Hudson lets out a shaky breath.
