I’d blown it off at the time, thinking it was probably just women who were jealous of her beauty. But now I was thinking that wasn’t it at all.
I wanted to have children someday. I almost started hyperventilating when I thought of her as a mom. I would be shocked if she managed to be a good mom. I could absolutely imagine her as one of those Instagram moms who told their kids they were going swimming, got them all packed up and out of the house, spent an hour getting the best photos of them, and then packed them right back up without letting them have any fun and then turned them back over to a nanny.
And now? Now I knew that she’d cheated on mea lotand misused the card I’d given her in good faith.
Reality had crashed through my idealized picture of her. Had it been like this all those years ago, but I just hadn’t known any better? She’d been my first girlfriend, my first kiss, my first sexual encounter. Now I knew they were only glorious memories because I’d had nothing else to compare them to.
Fuck.
Sweat started to run down my forehead. What had I done? Had I blown up a good, strong marriage for memories of a woman who’d only ever existed in my brain?
And what about the biggest red flag of all?
She had dumped me three weeks before our wedding, leaving me to handle all of the embarrassing questions, venue and vendor cancellations, gift returns—everything. And she’d done it without saying she was sorry. Who does that?
Now I wondered what the truth was. Had I ever even known the real Madison? The truth was that I couldn’t have. The Madison IthoughtI knew and loved would never have lied to me, taken advantage of me, or been unfaithful to me. She wouldn’t have broken my heart three weeks before our wedding. Yes, she’d always had a bit of a diva-like personality. But I didn’t remember her being as bad as this.
But maybe that was only because she hadn’t wanted me to see who she really was.
I took a deep breath and slowly let it out.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
Carrie
I looked around my room, feeling no connection to it whatsoever. My mom was not the type to leave a child’s room exactly as they’d had it when they were growing up. As soon as I’d left for college, she’d had her decorator change it into the main guest room. I’d been offended by it the first time I’d come home from college. I’d only been gone a month before I’d had to come home for a cotillion Mom insisted I participate in.
My room had been cleared of any and all memories of me. I’d been afraid Mom had just thrown it all away—the posters, the decorations, the pictures of me and my friends—but she’d had someone box everything up and put it in the attic.
Now I was kind of glad for its lack of a homey feel. It would have been a little humiliating to look around my childhood bedroom and see reminders of who I used to be. I closed my eyes and the tears that had been threatening all morning began to fall. If the excited girl who’d gone off to college thinking only wonderful things were ahead of her could see me now, she’d be devastated.
Life hadnotturned out as I’d planned. Sometimes I wondered if anyone’s ever did.
I rolled over in bed, trying to get my stomach to calm down. For whatever reason, I’d had trouble with nausea lately. Maybeit was stress. I got up slowly from bed thinking that would help. It did, somewhat.
After I’d overheard what Thatcher had said about me after he’d broken our marriage vows, I’d done nothing for a few days. I’d just needed to cry out my feelings and wait for my heartbreak to turn to anger. For me, anger was a strong motivator to get things done. And I hada lotto do today. Might as well get started.
“Good morning,” Mom said in her normal voice. There was no sympathy or anything like that from her. It wasn’t her style. She preferred to work through misery. When my grandma passed away, Mom worked outside in her personal gardens—the ones the landscape company wasn’t supposed to touch—for two months. Every day she’d be out there from sunup to sundown, just working away. I’d peeked out there a few times and noticed that she was planting all of Grandma’s favorite flowers and trees. There were hydrangeas, gardenias, peonies, roses, Japanese magnolias, Japanese maples, and more. When she’d finally declared herself finished, she’d thrown a party in the gardens to celebrate her mother’s life.
It had been a beautiful tribute to Grandma, and the garden was so beautiful it was featured in a national magazine. People truly did grieve in different ways.
So… she didn’t understand the concept of just taking it easy or laying around miserable. Not that I was planning to do that any longer.
I had plans to put in action.
“Cook made a full breakfast to celebrate you coming down for breakfast today.” She gestured to the sideboard next to the breakfast room table. It was covered in platters of eggs, bacon, sausage, pancakes, biscuits and gravy, and fruit. I stared at it, my stomach roiling.
“All of that is for three people?” I whispered.
“Yes, of course. She’ll save the leftovers, obviously.” She frowned when I didn’t get up to fix myself a plate. “Aren’t you hungry?”
“Um… not really. I was thinking some dry toast and maybe some water would be nice.”
“What… are you in jail? Goodness, Carrie. Just because you’re about to go through a divorce doesn’t mean you should starve yourself. There’s nothing wrong with you, darling. It’s allhisfault.”
I stared at her. Why was she saying all of that?
“Don’t try to be as thin as that horrible Madison Welles,” she hissed.
