‘Right, right,’ Cam says in a concerned voice. I have instantly turned the atmosphere awkward. ‘Well, I have about twenty other potential contestants to get through today so how about I send you the schedules now,’ he says quickly, keen to get me off the call before I reveal any other bowel-related mishaps. ‘And a guide to our allergens policy. You look them over, and we’ll talk in a couple of days, okay? I’m sure you have questions.’
Why yes, I do. I have questions for myself. Questions such as where is my filter?
I’ve lost my words. I’m dying of embarrassment. I literally can’t speak.
He gives me a quick friendly wave before clicking off the call.
I take in a deep breath, glad it’s over.
Lois turns to me, astounded. ‘What sort of bollocks was that?’
‘Whatever do you mean?’
Lois starts laughing. ‘Oh, my God. I can’t believe it!’
‘What? What are you talking about?’
‘You! You’re crushing on him.’
‘On who?’
‘On the producer guy. Cameron.’
‘No, I’m not.’
‘Yes, you 100 per cent are.’
‘He’s not even my type.’
‘You don’t have a type. It takes you over a year to admit that you like someone even just a tiny bit and by then, well, the less said about your dating history, the better. This is different. You totally fancy him. I can tell. Look at your face! Ty, honey. Doesn’t Libby fancy Cam?’
We both turn to Tyrone. He has a silly grin spreading across his face. ‘Did you see the way she was playing with her necklace while she spoke to him? And she was twiddling with her hair.’
Like Lois, Ty is very astute. Too astute.
‘I don’t think I was.’
I totally was.
‘I’m just amazed you forgot to tell him about the time you went for pizza and shat it out before the bill came,’ Lois says, her shoulders shaking as she tries not to laugh.
‘He’ll probably not want me on the show now anyway. I have red flag written all over me. He’s probably tearing up the contract as we speak.’
What a thing to say to him. I’m so cringe. No wonder I’m not in a relationship. Common sense gets the better of me as realisation dawns that being on TV might be a truly terrible idea. I will forget this phone call ever happened. Erase it from history.
As though she is reading my mind, Lois stares at me.
‘What?’ I say.
‘Libby, I haven’t seen you light up like this in… well, never. I mean, if ever you were going to develop a type, it’s him.’
As a twenty-six-year-old woman I do feel I should have at least developed a type by now. A spark of excitement flickers deep inside me. ‘Wait. Lois, are you now saying I should go on the show?’
‘Yes. You deserve to be happy. It might be worth the free flight just to meet Cameron IRL. You might not even need to go on the show. Some would consider it adventurous, romantic and spontaneous,’ says Lois.
Tyrone lets out a massive sigh, shaking his head. His moral compass has kicked in and he is playing devil’s advocate. ‘Some would also consider it fraudulent, time-wasting and immoral,’ he says, looking at each of us in turn. ‘The poor man. He’s just trying to do his job.’
We both give him the same look. It’s as though the fact that Cameron is an unholy level of handsome has flown straight over his head. Women have killed for less.
