Chapter 8
Cassidy
“Nathan?”I called up the stairs. “Youhome?”
I had one foot on the bottom step when the front door opened behind me. Nate and Ryan were laughing and carrying on as they walked in, and I froze inplace.
“Cass.” Ryan’s eyes locked onmine.
Nate walked up and put his hand on my shoulder. “Just hear himout.”
I blinked a few times before stammering. “Y-Yeah,okay.”
I pointed to the den around the corner, and Ryan followedme.
“Cassidy, I am so sorry.” The back of Ryan’s hand grazed mine, and that was all it took. I pushed him against the dark wooden door I had shut behind us and crushed my lips to his. Thirst shot through me as I drank from his lips like they were the last drop of water on Earth. His fingers knotted into my hair, his beard tickling my cheeks, his lips so soft but firm. His heart was pounding. I’d missed him so much, ignoring my true feelings for far toolong.
Ryan pushed me away, holding his arm out with his palm planted on my shoulder. “We can’t. You made apromise.”
I pulled the ring off of my finger and stared at it for a few seconds. “What if I said I wasn’t trulyhappy?”
“I would call bullshit.” Ryan sank down to the floor, pulling me down withhim.
We sat cross-legged on the floor. “I don’t know what I am, but I know I have never felt like I did that night on Cam’s Bronco with you. That was the best night of mylife.”
“Cass, I have played this moment in my head countless times. I have to confess everything I’ve done since I walked out that door ten years ago…how terrible I’ve been to women, how many lives I’ve taken, how many friends I’ve watched die, how happy I am to be an Unacceptable, how dangerous my life truly is…all of it. Every time I pictured this, you slapped me across the face like you should have done years ago and told me to get the fuck out of your life forgood.”
“How could you ever think for one second that is how it would play out?” I pulled his ball cap off, running my fingers through the long, loosecurls.
He kissed my wrist with my fingers still tangled in his hair. “Because that’s what I deserve. I don’t deserveyou.”
Pulling on his hair, I made him look at me. “How dare you tell me what I want ordeserve.”
“You’re engaged, that’s it.” His dark eyes smoldered withmisery.
“What if I said I would throw it all away for you, right here and now? I’d leave Kevin and I would start over withyou.”
“I’d tell you that you were crazy. I would tell you that you don’t want to be with me. I would remind you how fucked up I am, how dangerous I have become, and how my life is no life for a woman to have to live. I have seen too many widows cry, buried too many of my brothers.” He pulled me in closer and kissed megently.
“Fuck you,” I whispered, pulling away fromhim.
“Excuse me?” The look of shock on his face pissed me off evenmore.
I shoved his shoulder. “Fuck you for coming back here, making me feel like there was a second chance, that magically everything was going to just fall back into place. You confess all this bullshit and tell me your life is too damn dangerous and then what? Nothing. Fuck that. Fuck this. You don’t get to find closure at the expense of breaking my heartagain.”
I let out a muffled growl as he gripped my shoulders. “What do you think this is, Cass? Some damn twisted fairytale where the war hero comes home and magically everything is just perfect again? That’s not real. That’s not how this shit works. I am damaged beyond repair. I died that day with my brother and then hundreds of times since then. Just because I am living does not mean I’m not a walking corpse, forced to live in this fucked up hell, day in and out. How the hell could you ever think I would want to drag you down into that gutter withme?”
“Why did you actually come back here, Ryan?” I askedcoldly.
He let out a long breath. “Because there’s a good chance I could die tomorrow, and I had to see you one lasttime.”
“Get the fuck out of this house and my life.” I flew to thedoor.
“Cass, wait. Look—” He tried to backpedal, but I was not going to listenagain.
“I told you to get out, Ryan. This is too much. I’m getting married and that is that. You had your chance—fuck, you had so many chances, and I am done trying to give you any more. In two months, I’ll be Mrs. Vaughn and you’ll be just a distantmemory.”
