Georgiana stole a look at her. Lady Clifford didn’t appear perturbed, but then she knew a great deal more about this sort of thing than Georgiana did. That is, about gentlemen, and attraction, and…thingsof that nature.
She drew in a deep breath. “I kissed him back, yes, but after it was over, I thought perhaps he…”
“Yes? What did you think, dearest?” Lady Clifford asked, her tone gentle.
It was the gentleness that undid Georgiana. “I thought perhaps he only kissed me because he…he pitied me.”
No sooner were those words out of Georgiana’s mouth than the pressure behind her eyes started to burn. She didn’t cry—shenevercried—but there was no denying the troubling stinging sensation in her nose.
This, this right here, was the reason she didn’t let anyone trifle with her, particularly not handsome gentlemen. Because it led to emotions, and tears and regrets, and it was dreadful, truly dreadful the way it all got so tangled up inside her, and pulled so tight she couldn’t breathe anymore.
Oh, why had she ventured out to Lady Wylde’s ball in the first place? As if that weren’t reckless enough, why had she insisted Benedict take her to Lady Archer’s? She should have stayed safely behind the closed doors of the school with her account books. This sort of thing didn’t happen with numbers. Numbers were tidy, sequential, predictable, not like people, who were messy and chaoticand confusing—
“No,” LadyClifford said.
Georgiana’s spinning thoughts ground to a halt. “No? What doyou mean, no?”
“Lord Haslemere didn’t kiss you because he pitied you. That’s utter nonsense. Gentlemen don’t kiss ladies because they pity them, and in any case, why should Lord Haslemere pity you? I can’t think of a single reason. No, Georgiana. Lord Haslemere kissed you for one reason, and one reason only. Because hewantedto kiss you.”
“You don’t understand, Lady Clifford. He was…we were…I said a gentleman wouldn’t choose to make me his mistress because I don’t look anything like Lady Wylde, and then he asked what Lady Wylde had to do with it, and I said Lady Wylde was the sort of lady gentlemen lost their heads over, or something like that, I can’t quite recall—I had several glasses of champagne, you see—but then he got angry and asked if I was saying I couldn’t entice a protector, and then he kissed me toprove a point.”
Somehow, Lady Clifford managed to sort through this convoluted explanation. “A man doesn’t kiss a lady to prove a point any more than he kisses her becausehe pities her.”
“Well, LordHaslemere did.”
Lady Clifford only smiled. “No, he didn’t. Men are transparent creatures, Georgiana, especially when it comes to their passions—”
“Passions! There was no passion on either of our parts.” That was a scandalous lie, of course, but it was bad enough she’d already admitted to the kiss. Admitting to passions on top of that was out of the question.
Lady Clifford ignored her, and went blithely on. “But let’s put aside Lord Haslemere for a moment, shall we? The more important question is, how didyoufeel about this kiss?”
Georgiana opened her mouth to deny she’d felt any way at all, but she couldn’t quite force the lie past her lips. The truth was, she felt a dozen different ways about it at once, and not one of those feelings made anysense to her.
“I don’t know.” She gave Lady Clifford a helpless look. “I don’t know what I think about it.”
“Ah. It was one ofthosesorts of kisses.” Lady Clifford patted her knee. “Why don’t you sit here and have a little think about the kiss. You’ll feel better afterward,I promise it.”
Georgiana nodded reluctantly. “All right, but do I have to tell you what I’m thinking about?”
“Not if you don’t like it. What matters isyouunderstand it,not that I do.”
Georgiana squirmed about for a bit, wrestling with herself, but eventually she closed her eyes, stilled, and let her thoughts start to untangle themselves in her head. “I liked it while it was happening, but then afterwards I felt…frightened.”
She opened her eyes, surprised. Why should she be afraid of a kiss?
Fear wasn’t a rational emotion in this situation, and how had emotion crept into this again, anyway? She’d agreed to sit here andthinkabout the kiss, notfeelit.
But the feelings were always sneaking back into it somehow, weren’t they? She couldn’t seem to separate the two, and feelings were even messier than people were. The trouble with feelings was once you’d had one, others inevitably followed, and soon enough they took over, overwhelming any chance at rationaldeliberation.
That was why they were best avoided, or shoved deep down inside where they couldn’t trouble her. That wasn’t going to work this time, however, because Lady Clifford wasn’t going to let her hide from it.
“So, Lord Haslemere’s kiss frightened you, Georgiana? Well, I imagine he, ah…knows what he’s doing. It’s not surprising you enjoyed it.”
Georgiana’s eyes widened. “I never said…how do you knowI enjoyed it?”
“It wouldn’t have frightened you otherwise. Dull, insipid kisses don’t inspire any passionate feelings.”
“But therewasno passion—”
