Tell me it matters.
It matters. It matters, Julian.
Was that when she’d changed her mind about marrying Devon?
Cam was waiting for him, but as soon as he saw Julian’s face he began to shake his head. “No, Julian.”
“Cam. Please. I have to.”
“No. I should never have asked you to do this in the first place.”
Julian’s chest went tight. “I’ve made mistakes. I don’t deny it, but this time I promise you—”
“I can’t trust your promises anymore, Julian.” Cam’s mouth was hard. “I won’t risk having Charlotte hurt again.”
“I—I won’t hurt her. Not ever again. Please. Give me one more chance, Cam.”
But Cam looked away. “No.”
Julian fought back the panic that threatened to close his throat, to choke him. To silence him. “You’re meant to leave for Bellwood this morning. Ellie and Amelia are ready to go. It has to be me, Cam. Don’t you see? Please.”
Cam searched his face, looking for…what? Some trace of the Julian he remembered, perhaps. Would he find any?
“Cam.” Julian’s voice broke. “I’m begging you.”
Cam’s gaze shot back to his face. He was silent for a long moment, then, “She won’t go anywhere with you if she doesn’t trust you.”
“I’ll find a way—somehow, I’ll find a way to make her trust me. Please let me try. If she won’t come with me, I’ll write you at once, and then stay with her until you can get to Hampshire.”
“I won’t have her forced or coerced or manipulated, Julian. Do you understand me? You’ll have to persuade her.Gently.”
“I understand. I give you my word.”
“Your word.” Cam looked him in the eyes. “You were a man of your word once, Julian. Are you still?”
I don’t know. I don’t know who I am anymore.
But he knew one thing—a small, insignificant, paltry thing, but at the moment it was all he had. He held Cam’s gaze. “I want to be.”
Julian held his breath as Cam studied his face.Please, let him find some trace of Julian there still. Please—
Cam blew out a long breath. “Go and get her, then. But don’t make me regret this, Julian.”
Julian’s breath rushed from his lungs and his eyes closed. “Thank you,” he rasped. “Thank you for giving me one more chance.”
Cam sighed. “I warn you, Jules. It won’t be easy.”
No, it wouldn’t be easy. Rescues never were. Not even for a hero.
Chapter Nineteen
Darling Annabel,
You’ll never guess where I am, my dear! I’ve gone off to Hampshire to visit Hadley House. Such an adventure! I expect you will convulse with laughter when you hear I sneaked away under cover of night to escape the notice of my family, all of whom wish me in Kent.
I couldn’t, as you can imagine, countenance Bellwood for the winter. Here in Hampshire I may do as I wish, and you mustn’t worry for me, dearest, for I will have a splendid time of it. I shall sleep all day and roam the gardens in the moonlight like a proper ghost.
I daresay you’ll wonder why I’ve left London at all, especially without calling on you first to inform you of my intentions. I must beg your pardon for that, and ask you to convey my most abject apologies to Lissie and Aurelie. I’m a sadly impetuous creature, as you know, and once I decide on a course nothing will do for me but to put it into action at once—
