But his deepest regret, the one that made him want to sink to his knees here in the garden, was that he’d believed, even for a single moment, he could be the man he’d once been.
He’d been so dazzled by Charlotte’s courage today. She’d risked everything to tell the truth, and for the first time since he’d returned to London hope had swelled inside him, because if she could find herself again, then surely he could find Julian, hidden deep underneath all the scars, even if it meant he had to dig in with his fingernails and rip them off.
But nothing had changed. She was the same woman she’d ever been, and he’d never be anyone other than Captain West, a man of no tenderness or compassion, a man with nothing left except anger and bitterness pressing like a knife edge at his throat. Even now he could feel the blade pierce his skin, and once his neck was open there would be no way to stop the thick, black fury from gushing out.
“Don’t be a fool, West.”
Too late for that, too.Lord Devon was full of useless advice tonight. “I’m touched by your concern, my lord. I do indeed have quite a bit to say, but not to you. It looks as though your business here is finished.” Julian flicked an icy glance over Charlotte. “Why don’t you go back to the ballroom and join that crowd of dandies dangling after the wicked widows? Lady Hadley and I have a private matter to discuss.”
Devon’s lip curled with disgust. “You still don’t understand, do you, West? Even after watching her every move for the past week, you still don’t know a thing about her.”
“Oh, I think I know more about her than you do. After all, she’s still wearing her gown. I believe I got her down to her chemise during our garden interlude—”
“Stop it, Julian.” Charlotte’s voice was shaking.
He heard the tremor and he wanted to stop, God, he wanted to, but the knife was sharp at his throat, and he was helpless to staunch the words rushing from his lips. “Stop what, sweetheart? Stop treating you like what you are? I give you credit, my lord. You had the right idea with that brothel wager.”
Devon tore free of Charlotte’s grasp and charged at Julian, an outraged snarl on his lips. “Name your weapon and your second—”
“No!” The color leached from Charlotte’s face so quickly Julian thought she might swoon, but even so he had to stop himself from leaping for Devon’s throat when the man wrapped his arm around her waist to steady her.
“Lady Hadley,” Devon said. “Please go and find Lady Tallant in the ballroom. She’ll take you home—”
“No.” Charlotte pushed herself upright, out of Devon’s embrace. “No, I won’t leave the two of you out here alone. Please, Devon—”
Julian laughed. “She begs so prettily, doesn’t she?”
Devon threw him a savage look. “I warn you, West—”
“It’s all right, Devon,” Charlotte said. “Go back inside.”
“No.” Devon’s hands curled as if he had Julian’s throat between his fingers. “Absolutely not.”
“He won’t hurt me.”
“For God’s sake. Of course I won’t.” But he’d damn well say whatever he had to say to see her in a carriage on her way to Bellwood tomorrow, out of London and out of his life for good. “What kind of hero lays his hands upon a lady?”
Devon reached him in two strides. “What kind of hero insinuates a lady is a whore?” he spat through gritted teeth. “Hero. Bloody hell, West. You’re an even bigger fool than I took you for.”
“You heard the lady, Devon. Leave us.”
Devon made no move to leave, but continued to stare at Julian, his face flushed with fury. The two of them stood there, each silently measuring the other until Charlotte came forward and laid a hand on Devon’s arm. “Please, Devon. Wait for me on the terrace.”
Devon’s face softened as he turned to her. “You don’t have to do this. You don’t owe him an explanation. You don’t owe him anything.”
Julian shrugged. “You’re right about one thing, at least. I don’t need any explanation. I know all about Lady Hadley’s garden seductions.”
“Of course you do, because you know all about everything, don’t you, West?” Devon sneered. “A brilliant hero like yourself needn’t bother with a paltry detail like the truth.”
A shiver of uncertainty drifted up Julian’s spine, but he smothered it before it could grow into doubt. If he couldn’t quite reconcile Charlotte’s tenderness this afternoon with such a heinous betrayal, if he couldn’t quite make this whole thing fit into the part of his heart that shunned logic…
That’s not your heart, you bloody fool. It’s your cock.
“If I don’t return in a quarter of an hour,” Charlotte said, giving Devon a gentle push in the direction of the terrace. “I give you leave to come find me.”
Devon pulled a long, slow breath into his lungs. “Very well.” He reached into his waistcoat pocket and drew out a gold watch. “A quarter hour, not a second more. If I have to come looking for Lady Hadley, West, you’ll be meeting me at dawn.”
Julian didn’t answer. He was staring at the pocket watch dangling from Devon’s fingers.
