Her lashes brushed her cheeks, hid her eyes. “I don’t depend on anything or anyone but myself, Captain.”
He touched a fingertip to her bottom lip. “I think you do. I think you depend on Devon. I think he’s the reason you won’t go home.”
“Home?” She laughed, but her face paled. “Which home would that be? Grosvenor Square? Bellwood? Or all the way to Hampshire, to Hadley House?”
She didn’t flinch from his touch, but stared back at him with eyes so wide and dark he could see his reflection mirrored in them. And the man who stared back… Who was he? For one moment he thought he might find Julian there, but the man who looked back at him was a stranger—a man he didn’t recognize.
He stared down at her. He’d known her once—the sound of his name on her lips, the caress of her fingers against the back of his neck. He’d known what mattered to her, what made her laugh, what moved her, but now…
Lady Hadley was as foreign to him as he was to himself. A stranger.
That night under the stars was nothing but a memory, a moment from another man’s lifetime, and even if he could get it back, he wouldn’t know what to do with it. He didn’t have that kind of love inside him anymore. He’d traded it for a dark abyss of rage and regret.
And she… He didn’t know what she’d traded her soul for, and he didn’t want to.
He released her chin and backed away from her so their bodies were no longer touching. “Hampshire or Bellwood. Whichever you choose. It makes no difference where you go, as long as you leave London.”
This time her laugh carried an edge of panic. “It makes a difference tome, and I choose neither.”
“Neither. Now why would that be, Lady Hadley? I confess myself curious. Surely Hadley House is a grand estate, one befitting a lady of your elevated rank. A magnificent manor house, with sweeping grounds, I imagine?”
Her smile didn’t reach her eyes. “Grand, yes—massive really, with rooms upon rooms upon rooms. It’s an estate without an end.”
An unexpected shudder chased itself down Julian’s back at this description. She hadn’t said anything disparaging, but at the same time she made the place sound…disturbing. Sinister. It was all nonsense, of course, an absurd fancy of hers. Cam had told him Hadley House was one of England’s truly exceptional homes—the pride of Hampshire. Charlotte couldn’t have any reason not to return to it.
“It sounds, ah, lovely.” It didn’t, but one lie deserved another. “But perhaps Bellwood suits you better. It would be the easiest thing in the world for you to travel there with Cam and Ellie at the end of next week, and stay through the winter.”
Her face was expressionless. “Easier for who, Captain?”
“For everyone concerned, but particularly for Ellie. She became nearly ill with distress when she saw Devon enter your box tonight. Her health is delicate right now, or had you forgotten that?”
Her voice sounded small. “I’ve forgotten nothing, Julian.”
Don’t say my name.Don’t make me feel.
“You’ve shown no concern for your family, or made any attempt at self-restraint.”
Her eyes went hard. “You have high ideals, Captain, for a man with a pocketful of jewels.”
Her necklace felt as heavy against his chest as if he’d stolen it, but he managed a shrug. “Perhaps you shouldn’t wager what you can’t bear to lose.”
A strange smile crossed her lips, then was gone in an instant. “I think you’d be surprised at what I can bear to lose.”
He dragged a thumb across her lower lip as if he could catch that odd smile, hold it up to the light, and study it. “A few jewels in place of a promise. Why not promise me whatever I ask, and then break it tomorrow?”
Again, that strange smile. “Because I’m not a liar.”
They stared at each other until Charlotte looked away. “I imagine you wish to escort me to Grosvenor Square, to see I’m confined inside my house? Not out of any concern for me, of course, but because you told Ellie and Cam you would?”
She didn’t wait for an answer, but edged to the side, careful not to touch him as she passed. He followed her out into the empty courtyard, through the passageway and down the street a short way to her waiting carriage. Once inside she tucked herself tightly into a corner and turned her face to the window.
She wants to make herself small. To disappear.
Somehow he knew at once this was true, and yet it was so at odds with everything he believed about her, it seemed impossible. “Why do you—”
No. It didn’t matter why. Let her go to Hadley House if she wanted to hide. What had she called it? An estate without an end. It was the perfect place to disappear, then. “Why do you insist upon staying in London? What do you want?”
She turned her gaze from the window to face him. “Why do you want to know, Captain? Do you suppose you can give it to me? Ah, well. Perhaps you can. Perhaps all I need is a hero to save me from myself.”
