But she wouldn’t be his. Never his.
Amelia nodded. “I know.”
Cam rose from the bed, aching with weariness in his body and his heart. Tonight he’d try to sleep, but tomorrow he’d do what he should have done weeks ago. Tomorrow, he’d call on Eleanor, and he’d release her from their engagement.
He drew the covers up under Amelia’s chin. “Now go to sleep.”
“All right. Good night, Denny.”
“Good night, minx.”
Amelia lay awake for a long time after Denny closed the door behind him, thinking. Finally, she kicked off the covers, rose, and lit the lamp Miss Norwood always left on the table by the window. She picked up the drawing of Eleanor that lay on the coverlet, smoothed it out, careful not to tear it at the creases, and brought it close to the light.
Yes, she’d drawn the eyes just right. It had been a challenge to capture the dark, velvet softness there, but she’d done it. She could draw Ellie’s eyes from memory now, too. She only had to imagine how they went soft when Ellie looked at Denny, and she knew just how to draw them.
She shook her head.No, it wouldn’t do, would it?
Amelia gazed at the picture for a while longer, then she folded it again, and slipped it under her pillow. She blew out the lamp, swung her legs up onto her bed and burrowed into the nest of blankets, rubbing her cold feet against each other to warm them.
No matter what Denny said, it simply wouldn’t do.
Chapter Twenty-seven
“I want the commission, Cam.”
Cam had been shuffling papers from one side of his desk to the other for hours, unable to put his mind to anything except the talk he’d have with Eleanor later this morning, but now he looked up to find Julian standing in front of his desk. “The commission?”
Julian’s face was pale and set, his spine rigid. “The place with the 10th Royal Hussars. I want it.”
Cam fell back against his chair. He hadn’t seen much of Julian since they’d returned from Lindenhurst. His cousin was in and out of the townhouse at odd hours, and when he was at home, he was quiet and distracted. Cam had convinced himself Julian had forgotten all about the commission in favor of a new mistress or some other diversion.
Not so.Jesus. He felt like a chunk of marble under the sculptor’s chisel. Small pieces of him were being chipped away, leaving nothing but dust and crushed rock at his feet.
First Eleanor, now Julian.
“Cam?” Julian’s voice was tense. “You told me the commission was mine if I wanted it.”
Cam drew a deep breath. He’d promised it, and he wouldn’t go back on his word. “I did, and it’s yours. I’ll make the arrangements. When will you go?”
“Now. I leave within the hour.”
“Now? That soon?” Cam dragged a hand down his face. “But Amelia isn’t here. She and Miss Norwood left an hour ago to sketch while the morning light held. You won’t leave without saying goodbye to her?”
“Damn it.” Julian’s expression turned bleak. “I have to, Cam. If I don’t leave right away, I won’t have time to get to Lindenhurst and see my parents before I join my regiment.”
Cam studied his cousin for a moment in silence. No. That wasn’t the reason. Something was wrong. Julian looked as if he hadn’t slept in days. Dark circles ringed his eyes, at least three days’ worth of stubble shadowed his jaw, and he held himself stiffly, as if he were in pain. “Is there some other reason you need to leave right away?”
Julian’s face went hard. “I need to get out of London.”
Cam hadn’t noticed it at first, but now he could see Julian held a scrap of paper in his hand, paper he was slowly crushing in his fist. “Julian, what’s—”
“I’ll miss you, cousin. You’ll have to be your own conscience now. See you don’t become too wicked while I’m gone.”
Cam rose, came around the side of the desk and held out his hand to Julian. “I’ll do my best.” There was more to say, so much more, but he looked into Julian’s dull eyes, and he knew his cousin wouldn’t hear him. “You’ll do your best, too?”
Do your best not to get killed. The words hung in the air between them, unspoken.
Julian grasped his hand. “Always. You’ll tell Amelia I said goodbye? I’ll write to her every day, just as you did when you were in India. Tell her I’ll buy her all the lemon ices she can eat when I return, all right?”
