“You lied to me,” Volkmar hissed, shaking his head as tears streamed down his face. “All these years and you—you thought you could trick me forever?”
“That’s not what happened,” Adrissu protested, moving to stand up. Volkmar flinched, taking a fearful step back. Adrissu instead dropped to his knees, crawling along the floor toward the human to wrap his arms around his legs. It was humiliating, entirely unbecoming to prostrate himself in such a way before a human, but draconic custom was far from his mind. “I promise you, that wasn’t my intention at all. I love you. I just wanted—I just wanted this time to besimple. I couldn’t bear losing you again. Please, Volkmar, I never wanted to lie to you. I just wanted...” He trailed off, unsure of how to even express it. He had only wanted to keep Volkmar with him for as long as he possibly could, but saying that aloud now seemed foolish.
“You’reZamnes,” Volkmar muttered, still trembling. “I can’t—I can’t believe this. I can’t believe you. I have to go.”
“Go where?” Adrissu asked abruptly, his head snapping up to look into his face
“I can’t deal with this,” Volkmar muttered, shaking his head and trying to extricate himself from Adrissu’s arms. “Let go of me.”
“Where will you go?” Adrissu asked again, sounding anguished even to his own ears. He clung to Volkmar for only an instant longer; the human pushed against him frantically, and he released his grasp around his legs.
“I don’t know,” Volkmar snapped, heading for the stairs. “I just—I can’t be anywhere near you. I need to be alone.”
Tears burned at Adrissu’s eyes. How had he fucked this up so spectacularly? He leaned against the table, not bothering to stand back up, and pressed his hands to his face. What could he do? Whatshouldhe do?
He was unsure how long he remained there, head in his hands, listening to Volkmar’s rapid footsteps that moved back and forth on the upper floor. Muffled as it was, he could tell Volkmar was packing a bag. Maybe he could take the memories away, if he could just touch Volkmar again—maybe that would be enough. The thought made him feel sick.
“How much gold is in your desk?” Volkmar’s voice came sharply from the top of the stairs.
“A thousand,” Adrissu croaked, voice still muffled against his hands.
“I’m taking it all.”
At that, he looked up abruptly.
“You shouldn’t have so much on you—” he started.
“What? Now that’s too much money to spend on me? I know you spent so much more to fuckingbuyme,” Volkmar shouted, looking down at him from the landing, his face twisted savagely.
Adrissu balked, mouth working soundlessly for a moment. “I didn’t—I only meant, it’s not safe to carry so much with you,” he protested, forcing himself to get to his feet. His hands were trembling now, thinking of all the terrible things that could befall a human, weak and defenseless, with so much gold jangling on their person. And if he was taking that much with him, maybe he planned on never coming back. “Please, Volkmar, I won’t stop you, but please, be reasonable about this—”
“Reasonable?Reasonable?” Volkmar repeated, his voice rising shrilly. Adrissu could smell the panic and shock wafting off him even from the bottom of the stairs. “You don’t get to fucking tell me what’s reasonable, Adrissu, not when you’ve been a fucking dragon this entire time!That’swhat’s unreasonable.”
He had no answer to that. He stood frozen in place for a moment longer—the distant sounds of Volkmar opening and slamming drawers and cabinets barely registering—before walking stiffly to the kitchen, bracing himself on the counter as his legs trembled, and taking a long drink directly from an open bottle of wine on the table.
It had never once occurred to him that his mate might eventuallywantto leave him. He had fought so hard to keep them together beyond death that he had never even considered not being together in life. Was that truly what was happening? Would he ever see Volkmar again?
He had the thought, as he sometimes had with Ruan, that he could quite easily prevent Volkmar from leaving. But the thought of Volkmar truly growing to hate him hurt worse than the thought of Volkmar leaving him, and he knew he could not bring himself to actually, physically stop him. If he let Volkmar leave, there was always the chance that he would come back. If he trapped Volkmar here with him...
“I’m leaving,” Volkmar said sharply, coming down the stairs without looking at Adrissu. “Don’t come looking for me.”
His chest felt heavy as he watched Volkmar cross the sitting room, a full rucksack on his back. He could barely focus over the painful thudding of his heart. “Okay.”
“I...” Volkmar stammered, and finally glanced back at Adrissu. His eyebrows were furrowed, and for an instant he looked more sad than he did angry. “I’ll—I’ll check back in with you in a few days. Or something.”
Slowly, Adrissu nodded. “Please just let me know you’re safe.”
“Goodbye,” Volkmar muttered, and without waiting for his response, he hauled the heavy wooden door open and left the tower.
The first day Volkmar was gone, Adrissu couldn’t even bother to pull himself out of bed. What was the point? What was the purpose of his magic, his power, even his life, if his own mate rejected him? The summer day was hot, which normally did not bother him, but now it only compounded his misery as he laid atop his sheets and sweated the day away. Vesper curled on the bed near him, echoing his despair with a soft sadness of her own in his chest. He could not tell if he appreciated her commiseration or hated it.
On the second day, he spent most of his waking hours pacing anxiously around the tower. He had not heard from Volkmar. They had never been apart so long; it was as if he had forgotten how to exist without his mate at his side. He was sorely tempted to go looking for Volkmar, but he had promised that he would not, and it seemed all he had left was his word. But if he were to simply walk about town and happened to see him, though, surely that would not count aslookingfor him.
As he prepared to leave, he could feel that Vesper desperately did not want him to go alone.
Come with, she thought to him.Come with.
He sighed, then got a canvas bag for her to coil in. She was too big now to hide in his sleeve the way she used to, but he slung the bag around one shoulder, and her head peeked out from the top.
