“I pay attention.” He blew out a long breath. “If I’d done the same ten years ago, maybe none of us would be in this mess.”
Guessed we were getting right to it. “Maybe not.”
“I’m sorry,” Max blurted out. “I have more I want to say, that I need to say. But I need to get that out early. Just in case you walk out before I’m done.”
I tilted my head. “You think there’s a chance of that happening?”
“Well, if the positions were reversed, I’d definitely walk out,” Max said darkly. “Probably wouldn’t have come in the first place. But you’ve always been the better of the two of us.”
I rolled my eyes. “Don’t get started on that shit again, Max. I’m not the golden child. I never was.”
“You were.” Max held up a hand as I started to protest. “You might not have been able to see it, but you were. Will you let me explain?”
Did I consider just getting up and leaving? Yes. But deep down, I knew Dominic was right. The two of us needed to have this out.
Even if it was just so I could put it in the past completely.
I nodded for him to continue.
“Okay, before I get into it, I want you to remember that these were the beliefs I held as a teenager who didn’t know any better.” Max’s hands flexed around his glass. “I like to think I’ve grown up a bit since then. I’ve had plenty of time to…reflect. To try and look at things through your eyes instead of my own. Dom helped a lot with that.”
I didn’t like it, the reminder that while I’d been left behind, the two of them had been together. “He did?”
“Helped might be the wrong word.” Max’s lips twisted in a wry smile. “Beat, yelled, and drilled the message home. Made me see just what I’d been missing when it came to the two of us.”
“Which was?”
“I truly believed that our parents loved you more,” Max said grimly. “I didn’t really notice it, not at first, but I think it started at secondary school. You were put into the top sets, and god, Mum was so fucking proud of you.”
I frowned. “You were only one set below, Max. She was just as proud of you.”
“That’s not how I saw it,” he muttered. “Everything became about you. Your academic success. Your art classes. It felt like you were doing everything right. Meanwhile, I couldn’t getanythingright.”
I stared at him, sorting through my memories. Had it really been like that?
“I guess I felt…isolated,” he continued. “We’d always been a team, but we were drifting apart. You were the perfect son for Mum to brag about, and I was just…me.”
I took a sip of whisky, but it did nothing to settle my churning stomach. “We drifted apart because you met Dominic.”
“It started before that. For me, at least. Not being in the same classes as you, it had me questioning everything. My intelligence. My future plans. I convinced myself that you were judging me. That you thought you were better than me.”
“I never would have done that.”
“I know that now.” He sighed. “I might’ve been wrong about how our parents saw us, but I’m not wrong about you being a better person than me.”
I thought about Dom. The sheer fury I sometimes unleashed in his direction. Then my thoughts took a darker turn. To a place where I came not with my fiancée’s name on my lips, but my ex’s. Where I sat in his living room and silently wished for a different life.
“I wouldn’t be so sure about that,” I said finally. “I’m far from perfect.”
“Oh, obviously.” Max smirked over the lip of his glass. “You wouldn’t be in love with Dominic if you were. There must be some deep flaws lurking somewhere if he’s the one you’ve chosen.”
“I haven’t chosen him,” I said, my tone like ice. “And when I did, it didn’t last. You should remember, given the part you played.”
Max swallowed the last of his whisky then put the glass down with a click. “Believe me, Ryan, I haven’t forgotten. Not a single second of it.”
Suddenly, I wasn’t ready to hear his explanation. I needed more alcohol in my system first. “I’ll get us another round.”
Max protested that he could do it, but I was already out of my seat and striding for the bar. With each step I took, I willed my breathing to slow down. The last thing I wanted was for Max to see how much this was affecting me. Like Dom, he insisted he’d changed.
