He met my gaze and gave me a half-smile. Maybe a quarter of one. Just enough to have my heart beating faster. “That makes two of us.”
We fell silent as the waiter delivered our drinks. When he left, Ryan sighed. “You’re not going to let this go until we talk about it, are you?”
“Nope.” I took a sip of my beer and wished I’d ordered something stronger.
“Still stubborn as a mule,” Ryan muttered, slumping back in his chair. “Fine. Let’s hear it.”
My lips twitched. “Just like that?”
“May as well.” He shrugged as though this meant nothing to him. And he called me a liar. “Don’t tell me you haven’t got a speech prepared. With all the trouble you’ve gone to, you’d have to be stupid not to.”
“The past would definitely call me an idiot.” I sat forward and rested my elbows on the table. In all my fantasies, I’d been on my knees for Ryan. Or had him on my lap. Pinned against a wall. Not in a single one had there been a table between us and multiple witnesses.
But this worked too. Frankly, I’d take whatever Ryan was willing to offer me.
“I was an idiot,” I said bluntly. “I should’ve told you about signing up as soon as we agreed to be together. Keeping that from you was wrong and cowardly.”
Ryan’s eyes widened. “Uh…that’s not what I thought you were going to say.”
No, I didn’t imagine it was. But I wasn’t about to try and gaslight the man I loved. I’d been in the wrong, and I’d admit every part of it. “I’m not done either. I broke your trust by telling Max about us. And then every day after that by not telling you what I’d done. Knowing what Ido now, how much that hurt you, I regret it. More than you’ll ever know, Shadow.”
His hands were trembling on the tablecloth. I itched to take them in mine. To soothe his anxiety.
Noticing where my gaze was focused, Ryan cleared his throat and moved his hands out of sight under the table. “Not that it matters, but…why did you tell him?”
“On the contrary, I think it matters a lot,” I said softly. “Especially because I suspect that’s what hurt you the most.”
He laughed bitterly. “You’re wrong there, but go on.”
I reeled internally. Me telling Max wasn’t what had hurt him the most?
Then what the fuck was?
It was on the tip of my tongue to demand that he tell me. The old Ryan might’ve caved and confessed. This one would throw his drink in my face and storm out. I wouldn’t judge him for it either. The old Dominic would’ve done it regardless. But like I’d said, Ryan wasn’t the only one who’d changed.
“I told him because I thought it was the right thing to do.” I held up a hand to halt Ryan’s protests. “I was wrong; I know that now. Back then, I wanted to protect Max’s feelings. There was no way he wasn’t going to notice how much time we were spending together without becoming suspicious. I thought it was better coming from me than him finding out another way.”
Ryan rolled his eyes. “Of course that’s what you were worried about. Fuck what you promised me, can’t have precious Max being upset.”
Once, I would’ve defended my friend. But with what he’d put Ryan through…what we both had, Ryan was entitled to be pissed off.
“I was wrong,” I repeated softly. “I shouldn’t have toldhim. Or, I should’ve discussed it with you first. I broke your trust and outed you. I’m sorry, Ryan.”
“It’s not that you outed me,” he said with a slight tremble in his voice. “I don’t give a shit about that. But Max? Really? How could you? How could you have told him about our first kiss? Our first time together?”
“I didn’t tell him about the B&B, I swear.” Ryan scoffed but I pressed on. “You don’t have to believe me, but I’m telling you now that I didn’t tell him aboutanythingthat happened between us aside from the fact that we kissed after Amy’s party and were together. That was it.”
Ryan leaned closer, lowering his voice to a whisper. “Then explain how he knew you fucked me after the festival? Huh?”
My skin heated at his words. At how he described it. I hadn’t fucked him, I’d made love to him. But if that was how Ryan wanted to remember it to make himself feel better, I’d swallow my pride and ignore it. “He guessed, Ryan. Correctly. He never asked me, and I wouldn’t have confirmed it if he had.”
“Why should I believe you?”
“Because when Max told me what he’d said to you, I broke his nose.”
4
Dominic
