My laugh sounded foreign. Cruel. “See, just saying that proves you haven’t changed. You lied back then, and you’re lying now.”
“How?”
“This was always the plan,”I mimicked his words back at him. “Once again, you’re planning what’s going to happen without sharing it with me. Guess what, Dominic? I didn’t accept it back then, and I’m sure as shit not accepting it now.”
I turned to leave, but Dominic grabbed my upper arm, spinning me to face him. There was a fire in his eyes that threatened to burn down everything I’d built in hisabsence.“Fine. That’s fair. I’ll tell you the plan.”
“Let go of me,” I spat, trying and failing to yank myarm out of his grip. He wasn’t hurting me, but he wasn’t releasing me either. “Fuck you, Dom.”
He continued like I hadn’t spoken. “I’m going to keep hounding you until you give me a chance to explain. To apologise. Properly.”
“You don’t deserve that. You deserve nothing from me.”
“You’re right,” he said. “But you deserve it, Shadow. You want to stand here and tell me that you’re happy with Kate? That she’s the love of your life? That you can’t wait to marry her? Because if you’re going to do that, I’m going to callyoua liar.”
“You’re delusional.” I finally yanked my arm from his grip and stalked for the door, more than ready to be away from him. Somewhere I could breathe again. “Stay away from me, Dominic.”
“Can’t do that.” My feet jerked to a halt. Dominic had said the words quietly, but he may as well have shouted them given the force they hit me with. “Not if I want to win you back.”
“There’s nothing here to win back.” I refused to look at him. “I’m not a prize, and this isn’t a competition. I’m not yours, Dom, and I never will be again.”
I closed the door before he could say anything more. The words he’d already said had rocked me to my core, threatening the foundation of everything I’d built.
I leaned my head back against the wood, taking slow and measured breaths. This was fine. It didn’t matter if Dominic wanted back in my life, he couldn’t be part of it unless I allowed it.
Yeah, I didn’t believe that either.
2
Ryan
I managed to successfully avoid Dominic for the rest of the weekend. Mainly by spending it out of my flat. I’d visited every friend I had in the area, completed errands I’d been putting off for months, and hit the gym farmore than was healthy.
I couldn’t avoid returning there to sleep though. Kate had ended up crashing in London overnight, leaving me to either sleep at Mum’s or go back to my place.
Given I hadn’t spent the night in my childhood home in a decade, it’d be weird to do so now. Even during breaks from uni, I hadn’t returned to Mum’s. It had been easier to stay in York over the summers, taking on various temp jobs to fund it. Working my fingers to the bone was better than the alternative. Once I left, I couldn’t go back. Not to the room with the window Dominic had once climbed through. The desk I’d spent hours at, sketching his form. The bed we’d shared.
His ghost might’ve haunted me out of one home, but I wasn’t letting the reality of him drive me from another.
After a weekend of barely any sleep, I needed my Monday morning coffee date with Kate desperately. Not just for the caffeine, but to see her. To remind myself of the good life I had now.
A life that had no room for Dominic in it.
I was already at our regular table when Kate breezed in. An easy smile lifted her lips when she spotted me. “Hi.”
I stood to greet her and pulled her into a tight hug. “Missed you.”
She laughed lightly, leaning back to peer at my face. “It’s only been a few days.”
I pecked her cheek. “A long few days.”
Kate gave me a quizzical look that I ignored as we took our seats. I understood her confusion. Neediness wasn’t something I’d ever displayed before. Neediness, possessiveness, yearning…all of them belonged to a version of me that no longer existed.
This was different though. I needed Kate right now. I needed to remind myself that she was my future. That Dominic’s appearance wasn’t going to threaten what I’d spent so long building.
Most of all, I needed her to kill this fuckingachein my chest. It hadn’t happened yet, but it would.
It had to.
