Harlan nodded and rolled his lips through his teeth, focusing on my hand in his. “Emma, do you take me seriously?”
A lump rose in my throat. “Of course.”
He gave me a wry smile. “I know we goof off a lot, but maybe we should set up some things that are off-limits.”
“The comment about you being mature sometimes?” I asked.
“Yeah,” he said. “That stung.”
I put my hand on his leg. “I’m sorry. I realized after I said it that it wasn’t fair to you.”
“Thanks.” He combed his teeth over his bottom lip, thinking. “I feel like nobody takes me seriously. I get paid less as a goalie. I get treated like my performance isn’t that great when, well,you’ve seen me lately. I’m at my best and getting better all the time.”
“You’ve been amazing,” I agreed. “They’re lucky to have you.”
He was quiet for a beat. “I know some of it’s earned. Before the bus, I really didn’t care, or I told myself I didn’t. But now I do. I deserve to be taken seriously.”
“You do.”
“But that includes us, Em. I’m on your team. I need to know you’re on mine. And,” he puffed out a breath, “I can’t do this if you think I’m not worthy.”
“Oh, wow,” I said, putting a hand to my chest. “That’s not it for me at all.”
“Okay. Then what is it?”
I popped my jaw forward, tipping my head to crack my neck. “I think I’ve been more afraid that you don’t take me seriously because I’m older. That I’m just a temporary toy you’re going to break and discard after a week. That the luster is going to wear off and I’ll be replaced for a newer model. A conquest.”
He bobbed his head. “I can understand that insecurity. It works the same for being younger. I mean, you’re a mom of an adult. You’re about to be an empty-nester. And I’m a guy who doesn’t want kids.”
My heart sank, the wind suddenly pulled from my wings. This was another moment I dreaded: finding out that I was too difficult because Liam was in my life. But I hadn’t changed for any other man, and I wasn’t about to start now. “You know Liam’s non-negotiable for me. He’s part of my life and I’m not pushing him out for a relationship.”
“No, no. Not what I’m saying. I guess I’m asking . . .” He closed his eyes. “This is all ridiculous given what we are right now, but probably better to know now before I let you down.”
“I agree,” I said. “I want to know what you’re worried about.”
“I don’t want to disappoint you if you want more kids, Em. It’s not something I want.”
I coughed out a laugh and Harlan gave me a dirty look. I waved my hands. “Sorry. Sorry. It’s not funny, but the idea of starting over? Now? After being a single mom for twelve years?”
“Well, I don’t know.” He shrugged. “I didn’t know if you were looking for a redo. Start from scratch. With a partner this time.”
“Even if you start with one, partners aren’t guaranteed,” I mused. “But no. I’m not looking for a redo. I don’t believe in redos. What’s done is done and there’s just now. Tomorrow’s not a promise.”
“True,” he said. “Back to those bus accident lessons.”
I reached to hug him and he hauled me into his lap. I looped my arms behind his neck.
“Thanks for bringing it up,” I said. “Really. This is one of the things I like about you.”
Harlan gasped. “Wait. Youlikeme, Chef?”
I fit my hand over his face. “You ass.” He licked my palm and I pulled my hand back. “Ew!”
Harlan gripped my jaw and looked into my eyes before bending to kiss me. He held me close with his thumb on my chin. His voice took on a sweet growl. “Is that one of the things you like about me? Hating me? Having me hate on you?”
“Honestly? It’s my favorite part.”
“Can you be my girlfriend and still hate me?” Harlan had on a big smile and his cheeks had gone pink.
