“Why do you need a spa?” Owen asked. “You already have that fancy one with the rainbow lights.”
“Yeah, well, I need another one.”
“Where are you going to put it?” Owen craned his neck to look back at me.
“On my deck,” Leroy coughed from the seat behind me.
“I don’t think they can fit a spa on your tiny deck,” I said flippantly.
“Did you just make a deck joke?” Cap butted in. “Nice.”
“I’ll take a deck if someone’s handing out new ones,” Sorrento said.
Dottie leaned past Cap to join the conversation. “You need a new dick, Pickles?”
Cordero and I snapped to look at each other and shared a laugh. I tried not to let my ears get hot because I was sharing a laugh with my childhood idol. The Cordero shine still hadn’t worn off, despite my best efforts to appear not starstruck.
“I meant a new spa! I would take a new spa!” Sorrento said. “You guys are sick.”
“No, it’s Royce who’s sick,” Leroy said, sounding bored of everyone’s bullshit. “He needs somewhere to soak his deck.”
Dottie looked sympathetic. “Oh. Did you poke too many holes in your dick?”
Cordero scrunched up his face. “Wait, what?”
Sorrento peeked over the seat behind me. “Royce put like eleven holes in his dick.”
“Six,” I corrected.
“Well, there’s one on each side, right? Needle goes in, needle goes out,” Sorrento said. “So twelve.”
“I’m still confused,” Cordero said.
“I have a Jacob’s ladder,” I explained. “It’s really not that big of a deal.”
Cordero’s face had paled. “Does that mean what I think it does?”
Owen was kneeling in his seat, his head and hands poking over the back of it like he was some kind of gopher. “Each bar is a rung of the ladder.”
Cordero stifled a gag and dabbed at his hairline with his drink napkin. “No. Where?!”
“His dick!” Sorrento emphasized. “That’s what we’re trying to tell you. He has six metal bars in his dick.”
“No, but where on it?” Cordero gasped.
“The underside,” I said.
His hands flew to his lap. “Fuck, man.” He took a moment to think. “Doesn’t all that jingle around in your cup?”
I shrugged. “Kinda. I don’t know. I don’t really think about it. Girls like it.”
“We will call you ‘Jingle’ now,” Dottie said with a wide grin.
I tucked my hands behind my head. “Call me whatever you want. You’re just jealous I’m the only one in here ribbed for her pleasure.”
“That you know of,” Owen pointed out.
“Do you have something to share with the class?” Sorrento prodded.
