Harlan chuckled, and when he held me back by my arms, his eyes were wet. “Don’t lie, Chef. You still do.”
We both laughed, and his thumb swiped at my cheek.
“I hate you for making me laugh,” I said through my tears.
He nodded. “I know.”
Harlan’s fingers laced in mine and we both leaned against the wall. Those indigo eyes seemed deeper than ever, a color I wished I could capture and wear every day. “If I go, I want you to come with me.”
I stopped breathing, my brows stitching together. “What?”
“I don’t want to break up. I want you with me. Wherever I am.”
“Harlan.”
“I won’t go without you,” he went on.
I screwed up my face. “What? What do you mean?”
“I mean, if you want to stay, we’ll stay.”
“No. No no no. You can’t do that. This is too big for that.”
He shrugged. “I can do that, actually. You see, there’s this thing where I want to be around you?—”
I looked up at the ceiling, stomped my foot, and groaned. “Don’t mansplain it, you dick!”
He smirked. “But it’s what I do best.”
I shook my head and sniffled, but I couldn’t hold back my smile. “I can’t stand you.”
He wrapped his arms around me. “I know. We both know that’s the best part.”
I nestled my face into his chest. “I get why you didn’t tell me. This sucks.”
“Thank you. I didn’t want to ruin everything when I don’t even know which I want.”
“I’m sad for you that you were going through this alone, though.”
He held me tighter. “It’s been hard not telling you.”
“I bet. I don’t want to choose. And I don’t want you to have to choose.”
His lips pressed into my hairline. “Statistically, at least one of us has to.” I groaned and he tipped my chin up to him. “Say it.”
“I can’t.” Looking at his stupid, beautiful, smug face made me sad all over again. My eyes burned again and his face fell.
“No, no. If you don’t, I’ll make you say it,” he warned.
I shook my head and whimpered. “I love you.”
He pouted down at me, looking genuinely sad. “No. Not that one.” He kissed between my brows. “I want the other one, princess.”
“I can’t. Not now.”
He bolted the door behind me before hoisting me up into his arms. “You leave me no choice.”
THIRTY-SEVEN
