Was that her birthplace? Was that where my biological father was potentially still living? Was he even alive? And what were all these cryptic messages? Who the fuck was Hayden?
"Jesus, Mom," I murmured to myself, flipping the pages of her journal to one of the last entries, from December the same year. "I didn't know you at all."
December 24th, 1996
It's done now.
We left the Nevermere yesterday, crossing into Ashbourne with the first morning ferry, and I never knew pain like the one I felt when I saw Atos standing there at the docks, looking at us as we left the island for good.
If it wasn't for Benjamin, I don't think I would've been strong enough to get myself out of the ferry and onto the docks as we arrived in town. Kaira kept kicking the entire time and I hated the fact that I wouldn't be able to tell her that her father gave her that name. I would never be able to tell her that she got her hair from him, or that her eyes reminded me so much of his.
I saw her in my dreams again, this little blonde girl, running around the meadow, chasing butterflies as Atos looked over her. I saw her curiosity, her determination, and what she could become.
But I hope she will never have to come back to Nevermere Island. I hope she would never step foot onto that soil even if it broke my heart.
I hope that the dreams I saw are just dreams and not the reality awaiting her. I really, really hope my sister was wrong and that the three sisters were wrong.
Tomorrow, Benjamin is going to take us to the East Coast, where he has a friend who would help us to get settled in and tostart our lives. Alyana knows why I left, and even without me saying anything, she knows about Kaira. She saw her, maybe even better than I do and she warned me. God, she warned me and I would do everything in my power to prepare my daughter for the future I hope would never come.
But she would be ready. She has to be ready.
Even if it kills me.
Tears streamed down my face as I closed her journal, trying to make sense of everything she wrote. Trying to make sense of my lineage, of her past, but most of all, of the fear she was obviously living with.
What was she running from? Was that the reason she pushed me into martial arts from a young age and why she encouraged me to stay fit even when I wanted to just go out with my friends and have fun? I did gymnastics, karate, ballet, Muay Thai, swimming, fencing, and I was even on my high school's track team until I graduated, and I never understood why she encouraged all those sports.
Was someone after her? Did they want to harm her? And why would they be against my biological father and her getting together? What was so wrong with the two of them having a child together?
Why did he let her leave without him?
God, I had a million questions and no one to answer them. No one to tell me about her past, to clarify all these things.
Her writing didn't make sense, and how could she have seen me in her dreams, and know I got my hair and eyes from my biological father, even before I was born? And her sister… Jesus fucking Christ, I had an aunt somewhere out there, maybe even cousins, and I didn't know about them at all. I had no idea where they were or if they were even alive.
Was my biological father still alive?
I opened the journal again, found the entry I had just read, and looked back at the two words I kept seeing—Nevermere Island.
She didn't want me to go back there, but I had to. I had to know the truth. I had to know what happened to her and why she left. I had to know the truth about my biological father.
I had to go back to Nevermere Island.
3
KAIRA
One of thethings my therapist suggested several times was for me to try and focus on something else instead of the loss, but until yesterday I couldn't find a single thing that would pull my attention from the fact that my family was no longer here.
Until I found out that the two people I trusted were the two people that have lied to me the most.
Benjamin Harley wasn't my father. And I couldn't stop myself from feeling betrayed. I couldn't stop myself from wishing they told me the truth instead of hiding it. And my mom… Why lie to me? Why would she run from her home, without my biological father, when it seemed she had loved him?
Perhaps this was just me replacing one trauma with another, but I couldn't stay here without finding out more.
The moment I finished reading her journal from 1996 and 1997, the year I was born, I went up to the attic to find her earlier journals, from before she was pregnant, but none of them were in the house. I could've sworn she always had the journals since she was a child, but maybe I was wrong. What I did find were books that made no sense to me.
Books that weren't her journals, filled with weird recipes and something I could only describe as spells. I always knewmy mom was into alternative medicine and some of those supernatural things, but this was too much, even for her.
