Sophie was saying her goodbyes.
I once read that a person knew when they were going to die. Something came into their soul telling them that it was time, and they just knew.
A weird kind of peace surrounded her, and it felt like… Like she didn’t feel pain anymore.
But I did.
My chest tore open, my ribs breaking apart, piercing through my heart, and I ran.
I ran.
I ran.
And I ran.
Down the stairs, through the door of her house, and out to the fresh air. I ran down the street, letting the tears fall.
All the pain, all the suppressed feelings, they all came rushing out onto the surface.
I ran between the two houses of our neighbors, all the way to the back, where our past and future collided, where fairies still danced, but were no longer with her.
I looked up at the sky, loathing the stars for the destiny they gave us. I cursed the Fates, God, everything that might have had anything to do with this.
“Why?” I thundered, coming to a halt right before our tree. “Why her?” I kept looking up, as if they could hear me. As if they could do anything.
“Why didn’t you take me? Huh? Why do you have to take her?” My nails bit into my palms. “Why the fuck did you have to do this?”
I dropped down on my knees, pressing my hands against my temples. My entire body shook from the sobs; wrecking me, reminding me. “W-Why her?”
The grass felt cold in the evening, and the soft breeze enveloped itself around me, caressing my skin, whispering her name over and over again.
“Noah!” a voice called from the back, but I didn’t turn around.
I couldn’t turn around, the grip of reality keeping me frozen in place.
“Fuck, man.” Andrew slid down with me and placed his hand on my shoulder. “Are you okay?”
I shook my head. I knew neither one of us were okay, and neither one of us knew what to say.
What could I say to a brother that was losing his sister? What could he say to the guy that loved her more than anything?
There were no words sufficient enough to extinguish this pain. There was no consolation, there was nothing we could do to stop this.
I didn’t want him to be consoling me. I didn’t want him to be wasting his time tracking me down. He should be there, with her, spending this time talking to her.
“You should be there as well, Noah,” he cried out. When I looked up, I saw tears streaming down his cheeks. “Don’t run away from this feeling, brother.” He clasped his hand around my shoulder. “If we run away from it, we will be running for the rest of our lives. Feel it.” His hand landed on my chest. “Feeling it right here.”
“I can’t, Andy!” I belted out. “I can’t feel like this. Why? Why does it hurt so much?”
“Because it’s love.” He smiled the saddest little smile. “It hurts because it’s real, Noah. If it wasn’t real, if the two of you didn’t love each other, it wouldn’t hurt this much.”
“But why her?”
“I don’t know.” He wiped his tears and sat down on the ground. “I don’t know why. I would love to, you know? But these kinds of questions won’t do us any good.”
“I know.”
“I know you know. I also know you’re strong enough to go through this, so I need you to get up and come back with me. She needs you. She needs us all.”
