“What?”
“I didn’t want you to know, Noah.”
I took a step back, my skin blazing as if she’d slapped me. But somewhere between the anger and the pain I felt, I understood.
“You didn’t want me to stay.” I didn’t have to ask, I already knew.
She shook her head. “No.” She looked down, locating the button I didn’t know about, and the backrest of the bed started lifting, letting her sit as she intended.
“Baby—”
“I didn’t want you to suffer, too,” she cried out. “I didn’t want you to see me like this, you know? I wanted you to remember me how I used to be, not this broken shell, getting eaten from the inside out.” Her chest shook as a shuddering breath tore through her.
“Sophie.” I came closer to her. “Look at me.” She kept her head turned to the other side. “Sophie, please.” My own voice shook with the plea. “I understand.” I took her hand in mine again. “Trust me, I do. I’m not happy about it, but I understand.”
“I wanted you to be happy.”
“Darling, please look at me.”
“Why?” She turned her head, keeping the tears at bay. “I don’t want you here.”
“I don’t care. I’m not leaving you alone.”
“I’m not alone,” she gritted out. “I have Andrew, and my parents, and—”
“I. Am. Not. Leaving.” I kneeled next to her bed and lifted her hand, pressing the back of it to my lips. “I’m sorry, babe, but you’re stuck with me.”
It felt like an eternity passed before she started talking again, the only sound in the room were my breathing, her sobs, and the beeping of the machines.
“I’m scared,” she muttered, shaking. “I’m so scared, Noah.”
“Baby—”
“I never got to do anything. I wanted to live. I fucking wanted to live!” she yelled out. Those tears she was keeping at bay now free falling down her cheeks. “I wanted to see the world, to be in love, to have the life I always dreamed of, and now… None of those things will ever come to be.” I had no words, because nothing I said would be enough to extinguish this anguish spilling over the edges of her soul. “I wanted to grow old, Noah. There were so many things I wanted to do, a-and it all got fucked up.”
“Darling,” I choked out, wiping the tears from her face. “You can still do them.” I kept repeating to myself that I had to be strong, but seeing her like this—crying and broken—I could feel my resolve wavering. “We can do them together.”
We both knew I was lying, because half of those things, just like she said, she would never get to do.
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.”
“I’m sorry I was an asshole,” I said. “I’m sorry I wasted so much time without telling you how I really felt.”
“I was such a bitch last night. God, I just didn’t want you to see me like this. I thought it would be easier pushing you away, but I was lying to myself.”
“Shhh, it’s okay. I’m here now.” I leaned down and pressed my lips against her forehead, hating how cold she seemed. “Everything is going to be okay.”
“But it won’t.” She shuddered. I couldn’t lie to her. I was trying to find a bright spot, just a little bit of light, but nothing about this situation was okay. “Will you hold me?” She moved her head up and looked at me. “I-I just… I don’t wanna be alone.”
I blinked, then blinked some more, pushing these traitorous tears back. “Of course. Anything you need.”
A tight-lipped smile appeared out of nowhere, and she started moving, scooting to the other side of the bed.
I bent down and untied the laces on the boots I wore, uncaring that the chilling air of the room started seeping into my bones through the wet clothes from earlier. But my own comfort would have to wait. I couldn’t stop my heart from beating like crazy at the mere thought that I was going to have her in my arms.
I shook off the leather jacket, letting it fall to the floor, and lifted myself up onto the bed, positioning us so that her back faced my front. She kept the hand with the IV straight on the bed as I wrapped my arm around her waist, spreading my palm across her stomach.
She placed her hand over mine as a contented sigh escaped from her mouth.
