“It won’t happen again,” I almost whispered, my head bent down, my eyes focused on the line made from skates on the ice.
“I know it won’t, but it doesn’t mean I’m not concerned,” she said, softening her voice. “You never had a problem talking to me before, but you’ve been withdrawn lately. Quiet. Something’s wrong, isn’t it?”
God, I hated the fact that she knew me so well. This close to Regionals I was usually a bubble of bursting energy, ready to conquer the world. But as of late, all my energy was focused on avoiding Noah and going through the day without a headache.
Or when I did get one, I tried not to pass out. The pain was getting stronger and stronger.
“Nothing’s wrong, I promise.” I pushed a smile on my face, but judging by the look on hers, it probably seemed more like a grimace than a smile. “I’ll be here early in the morning tomorrow, so that I can work on these. Okay?”
“Hmm.” Her warm, brown eyes weren’t buying what I’d been trying to sell, but at least she stopped pushing. “Fine. But please, for the love of everything, work on these at home today as well. I don’t want you falling after your axels and getting injured.”
This was the thing with Liudmila, which I appreciated more than I could ever say—she loved winning, but she never put any of us in danger because of it.
Once, long before her, one of our coaches pushed us to the point of exhaustion. I couldn’t even skate off the ice. I hated that guy with a passion, and it wasn’t long before my mom transferred me to a different coach.
But Liudmila, she wasn’t like that. She was our friend, our ally, our second mother if you wished to call it that. She knew me better than I knew myself sometimes, and she never pushed, unless we wanted to talk about things.
“I get it.”
“Mhm. Now go get changed and get out of here.”
“But—” There was still a half an hour left of my practice.
“No buts, Sophie. We won’t get anything done with whatever’s going on inside your head. You know it, I know it. The rest of the people that just watched you drag yourself around the arena, know it.”
I took a deep, deep breath and nodded slowly, hating to admit defeat, but that was what this was—defeat. I wasn’t focused. I wasn’t ready to do what was required of me, and I fucked up.
“Tomorrow, we will do your full choreography, so I expect you to be ready.”
“I will be.”
“Good. Now go and get something to eat. You’re looking a little pale.”
“Yes, Coach.”
Two more competitions, I thought to myself as I skated back toward the gate. Two more times where I would get to do this, and then I’d be done.
Deflated, and less than happy with myself, I took off my skates as soon as I got off the ice, walking only in my socks to the lockers.
This late at night, I was usually the only one left at the arena, along with Liudmila. Noah hated me staying this late, but it was nothing compared to the wicked, crazy hours he used to pull at his practices. I knew he just worried about me, but even this reminded me of him, and I couldn’t wait until I could get out of here.
Fresh air was all I needed.
Fresh air and an escape from reality.
10
SOPHIE
“I’m not doing it, Bianca.”
“Yes, you are.”
“No. Nope.”
“Yep, yep, yep.”
“You’re fucking insane,” I said as I walked away from her toward our table.
