“It okay,” Tommy chimes in, trying to cheer me up. He must see I’m upset.
Morgan puts her hands in prayer. “We all have struggles that test our faith. Sometimes, we don’t understand God’s plan, but later—”
“Later? That’s the best part!” I say sarcastically. “Did you know a lot of people with Down Syndrome lose their ability to speak by thirty? As if it isn’t hard enough to communicate with Tommy. There’s something to look forward to. But never mind the future. How about now? That’s when God’s plan really got good.”
I stare intensely into her hazel eyes.
“God threw a virgin in my path. One that I’m not supposed to touch or want. One that after years of darkness brought a sliver of joy. Then my dumbass started falling for her because I believed that maybe, I could have one fucking thing that was mine. Then God, in all his wisdom and glory, said, ‘No, no, that’s not the plan. You’ll fuck her, she’ll regret it, dump your ass, and then hook up with a preacher.’”
As if I flipped a switch on her, tears gush down her cheeks.
It sickens me, though. I should feel bad for making her cry. It’s not her fault we’re incompatible. It’s not her fault this is my life. It’s just irritating.
“Regret weighing you down again? Poor Morgan Leigh Montgomery. Rich and famous. She can get any guy she wants. And here she stands, crying in front of a man who has nothing.”
She doesn’t leave and that frustrates me more, because if I am being real, her being close is...
Fuck.
I glare. I shouldn’t say it. I shouldn’t. But goddamn, this woman is too much.
So I say it.
“Fuck your god and his plan, Morgan. And fuck you, too.”
Now I hate myself for stooping this low. She didn’t deserve it.
But instead of running like I need her to, she just stands there, speechless. I know what she’s thinking. She’s searching for God’s help, but it’s hard to preach when fluffy words fix nothing.
I sigh, defeated, and mumble, “See ya, church girl.”
Then I finally step away.
And it sucks.
Never again will I put myself in this situation.
Chapter 29
Morgan
Idig through my purse in the dressing room, but remember, Daddy took my phone. Regularandburner. I woke up and it was gone. He hasn’t mentioned it, but we both know he found it.
“Goodness,” says Ingrid. “That was a long Faith & Fellowship fundraiser.” She collapses into a swivel chair.
I nod, but I am too wired to be tired.
I prolonged the event by talking more than usual. I need to stay busy. It’s the only way I can keep my mind off Jack and the airport nightmare that shook me to my core.
My heart thunders against my chest and palms sweat as his words begin to replay. When my throat starts to tighten, I recite my internal coaching:
Don’t go there, Morgan. It didn’t happen. Nope. Nothing happened. Just a normal farewell. You didn’t break his heart. He didn’t breakyours.I’m fine.
Gabe walks into the room, snapping me from my downward spiral. He takes a seat near Ingrid like he has any right to be inmydressing room.
I squint at him, glaring, letting him silently know he needs to leave.
He doesn’t.
